Today, as I walked from my hotel down Market St. toward my office in the Financial District of San Francisco, I was in awe. On every light pole, in so many store fronts and even banks and the US Post Office hangs a rainbow flag. The very symbol of LGBT Pride. In this city, it is a symbol that LGBT people are seen, respected, and welcomed. They hang the entire month of June, known as Pride Month. As a Midwest girl who is still shocked to see rainbow flags displayed on any business in her home state of Michigan, seeing so many of them proudly hanging as far as you can see hit me right in the gut. It’s a feeling few can understand, and I doubt I can even describe accurately, but it boils down to knowing that here, in this city, during this month of the year, my difference is celebrated not hushed or swept under the rug.

I have been a lesbian all my life. Fact. I know it’s shocking to some who meet me for the first time, but in general I fit the stereotypical image they have for lesbians in their head, except that I do not wear flannel. Well not much. My sexuality has not been a real issue in my life since my family finally came to terms with it well over 20 years ago a year or two after I was forced out of the closet my senior year of high school. Their initial reactions were typical of parents in the mid 1990’s actually. They told me they loved me but wanted to be sure I knew what I was ‘getting into’ with this ‘choice’. They were fairly quickly educated on the language and word choice issues, and eventually came to accept both the fact that I was born to love differently than societal ‘norms’ and the partner I chose to spend my life with. My father even states with pride now that he has 4 daughters. Only 3 of us are related by blood, the other is my wife Jennifer.

After leaving life in Small Town America and finding a place where I could blend in a bit more easily as an out lesbian who refused to hide in a closet and did daring things like hold my wife’s hand while walking down a public street, I also found places where there were many more ‘like us’. I shopped LGBT owned café’s and bookstores. I attended PRIDE events and felt at home in a sea of weird, oddly dressed, misfits who all had one singular thing in common. We were societal outcasts because we loved differently. But over the years as society began to accept that LGBT people were not out to convert their children to a lifestyle, or pedophiles who would infect you with AIDS and instead just wired a little differently in the area of attraction and love, those same businesses I once frequented were no longer needed. It became okay to go to dinner and a movie with my wife and not be asked to leave for no reason other than we were clearly more than just friends. I could buy books and stickers over the internet, or at the large bookstores more conveniently located near my home.  And, I no longer needed to attend a PRIDE celebration to feel like I had a community who didn’t judge me.

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Somewhere along the way, the once thriving LGBT subculture was lost as we became mainstream. I always thought this was a good thing. But today, as I walked in to the office, I realized just how much I miss that feeling of acceptance you get when shopping an LGBT targeted business, eating in a café owned and operated by a gay couple, or attending a PRIDE event filled with thousands of people from every walk of life all celebrating their one common difference. I miss feeling like I belong, and it wasn’t until I saw all those flags proudly flying that I realized how misplaced I sometimes feel at home where rainbow flags are seldom seen. Every once in a while, it’s nice to be reminded that we are here, we are queer, and we are welcomed with open arms. So, I challenge you, my friends and family, to show your support in some way. Change your profile pic, find a meme and re-share it showing your support in some way. And, if you dare, stick a rainbow flag outside your business or home this month to let every LGBT person who so often feels unwelcomed and unworthy, that you support them and their right to love differently.

So about that blog post I promised to write …

Dear loyal readers,

I have not forgotten about you, or your interest in this blog, my life, and my writing. However, I have been far too busy for far too long to keep up with this thing. I have been writing all this time, but most of it has either been for my eyes only, not even shared with my wife if you can believe that, or has been in the form of a FaceBook (FB) status update or comment. Many of you are on FB and my FB friends list so you have not been kept too far out of the loop, though certainly not exactly included in all the goings on of my life since last fall. Let this post serve as the catch up for all those important things I have not yet shared, and I promise to update this thing a little more regularly going forward. Notice I said a little more regularly.

First off for those of you who do not yet know, my mother-in-law was diagnosed with stage IV ductal breast cancer last fall, round about the time I stopped posting my writing. See the coincidence here? Thee were other factors in my silence, like the completely unhealthy group I was in the process of terminating my membership with, a few work related issues, and the occasional life event I still choose to remain silent on. In any case, she is doing well, responding well to treatments, and having very few side effects of her treatments outside of the standard loss of hair. And for those who have not been through this, or watched someone go through this, let me just state that when I say loss of hair, it includes hair in places where you didn’t know hair grew.

Dealing with the diagnosis, the tests, the staging process, and the new schedule that would be applied to my life as my wife stepped up to be by her mother’s side as much as possible through this whole process has taken some major and minor adjustments. One of the first things to get pushed aside was my writing. It was in part because I didn’t feel much like finishing a story about a boy who leaves home right after high school with the intent to never see his father again, spends 20 years building a life for himself with no contact between the two of them, and then stumbles upon a relationship with him again through a twist of fate only to learn that his father is terminally ill. This story was conceived and the first 20 chapters or so written long before last fall’s news hit and it is in no way related to my mother-in-law’s diagnosis. Yet writing it just didn’t sit well with me any longer and I lost interest in writing all together as the weeks dragged on.

I did not stop writing all together though, but digging through the archives of the blog you’ll certainly notice a HUGE gap in entries beginning toward the end of last summer and lasting for what has become nearly a year. I can’t say that many things were written in that time period, but I can say that what was written was almost always merely me venting frustrations about one thing or another and eventually found its way into the recycle bin. On occasion I came up with a piece of something I hung onto, something that I managed to make general enough to post. But, as the archives make blatantly obvious, those were very few and quite far in between.

So, what else have I been up to over the last 9 months … sadly the answer is not really all that much. I have completed more classes and currently have just four left to obtain my latest degree, a Bachelor of Web Development. So long as they don’t cancel any classes on me I will be done with it next March! Then what I’m not certain, but there has been some consideration about going for a Masters Degree … time will have to tell that tale because for now I am focusing on SUMMER VACATION and those four remaining classes next year.

Life has really been all about family, friends, school, and work … in that order for probably the first time in decades. Having a potentially terminal diagnosis of someone you know, no matter how well you know them, is certainly a wake up call to get your life and priorities in line. It has been the catalyst for me purging all the drama and “fluff” from my life, hence exiting the DOB fiasco and no longer surrounding myself with their drama, negativity, and poor choices. I can’t even say the departure was amicable, I’m not certain they are capable of that from a local or national standpoint, but it was not a total waste of time. That group, the drama all last summer, and the eventually process of exiting their gang (and I mean that in every sense of the word) was something I needed to do. It served as a reminder of why I have not been active in the LGBT only culture since my early college days at Oakland, and why I will refrain from getting involved again in the future. It was a definite wake up call that there are two distinct versions of LGBT Equality and the activism that is required to achieve it, I am not interested in their tunnel vision of the world or what true equality is! I am also thankful that organizations like Triangle foundation, Michigan Equality, and Affermations exist and understand both how the world works and what needs to be done to achieve true equality for all, including LGBT people.

So there is the recap of my last 9 months. Reality check, Cancer, Exiting the Drama Queens (DOBD), eliminating as much drama from my life as possible, family, friends, work, school, and writing. Now that the purging of drama process is complete, or nearly, and school is out for the next 4 months, I’ll try to write more!

working secretly from Florida?

Wonder if this would work on MY boss? ...

Office politics ... way too much like High School

I guess I was probably a little over due for a reality check on discrimination and discomfort with the whole subject of homosexuality for far too many people out there. It has been a long time since it has slapped me in the face as a reminder that not everyone out there is comfortable with my sexuality and some are down right offended by it. To be honest, I’m a little uncomfortable with the idea of women sleeping with men, but I don’t’ go around telling all the breeders of the world to stop loving who they love and prohibit their rights to equality and free speech.

This all began last Friday when I innocently wore my Dykes on bikes club T-Shirt to work since it was a jeans day. I got a few smirks and second glances as I walked in and up to my desk, but nothing out of the ordinary or all that unexpected. I also managed to get a few compliments on the design and one person asked where they could get one like it. It was a quiet day around the office and I went on with the business of my day, left my desk a grand total of three times, and had extremely limited contact with the rest of my co-workers. Yet, at about 11:30 my direct supervisor came and asked me to come with him. As we passed by his office where I assumed we were headed, he told me we needed to go talk to the Director of our department … never a good thing. I was told that I was in violation of the company dress code because my T-shirt fell into the vague category of “overly controversial” and that I would need to take the remainder of the afternoon off (with pay) because I did not have another shirt to change into. Let the drama begin.

I asked few questions, knowing that the office politics were not worth getting upset over right then and there, returned to my office to close out of all my files, grabbed my bag, and headed to the human Rescources office. It was then that I learned that HR had no idea I was being sent home, seemed a little strange to me, and that the person who was in HR that day could not explain to me why the shirt was so controversial. She requested that I bring it back Monday so that her boss could look into the matter for me. On that note, I left the building at about noon on a beautiful sunny June afternoon and enjoyed my suddenly extended weekend. I had some things I needed to get done before Monday morning, which is what I was working on when I was called away from my desk. I made the decision that if I was not allowed to work my regular schedule to complete those tasks they could wait until next week and the project would simply be delayed a week, no skin off my nose. I didn’t do a single work related thing from Friday at noon until I arrived today at 8:30 to start the new week. Thank you for the time off!
I had time to cool off over the weekend, to let the irritation slide a little bit and approach the issue with a little more political tact that I could have mustered Friday. I scheduled a meeting with the HR manager as directed and took in the shirt so he could look at it. The first words out of his mouth “Wow that’s a pretty shirt. I wouldn’t mind wearing one of these.” Then he attempted to answer my questions and assure me that he will look into the matter for me. He also apologized on behalf of the company that I felt “singled out”. Until that moment, I didn’t realize that everyone else sees this as a clear case of discrimination. I was simply asking why the shirt was controversial, not why I couldn’t wear it. If it doesn’t fit the dress code for jeans Fridays, I won’t wear it. But I need to know why it doesn’t fit so that I don’t wear another shirt that may land me in the same situation. So far, nobody can tell me the answer to that question.

In that short conversation with HR, I don’t feel much better about any of this. If anything, I’m more confused. What I learned is that if one single person is uncomfortable with or offended by a shirt you wear to work you can be sent home, presuming that the dress code is enforced universally. I guess this means that for every Christian, political, sports team affiliated, etc shirt I see that I disagree with I should take my concern to HR rather than being an adult, considering the source, and walking away. I was also reminded that there are people in this office, a place I have been comfortable enough to be out from the moment I walked in on my first day, that are so uncomfortable with my sexual orientation that merely being reminded of it is offensive to them. Seeing gay pride colors or slogans on my shirt, or the trade marked name of a lesbian motorcycle organization makes them so uncomfortable that they can’t get their work done if it is in the building. Yet those same people see nothing wrong with spouting Bible verses, wearing Christian themed shirts, and discussing Christian topics in the middle of the office corridors where not every employees of this company is a Christian. Ahh the double standard.

My saga continues over the T-shirt controversy as the HR manager asks questions of those involved in the decision to send me home, and to our parent companies HR department to find out their view of the situation and how things should have been handled. In the mean time, I’m uncomfortable being in the building today, and experiencing a feeling I haven’t felt in a long time, hatred toward me for something I can not, nor do I wish to change. I know it is their ignorance that will one day be their downfall. I know that I must be the bigger person and allow them their prejudice, but I don’t like this familiar feeling of being alone in the crowded office and not even able to look my department head in the face let alone the eye. He has forever lost my respect simply for the way in which he handled the situation. I guess it’s fitting that he is obviously uncomfortable around me today as well. He has not said a single word to me in the handful of time I have crossed his path and more than once he has seen me walking toward him in the hall and turned away rather than acknowledge my presence. Feels like high school all over again in so many ways!

Born into a world that will never understand you
Forced to live a life that will never make you whole
Spend your whole life wondering why it doesn’t feel right
Or listen to your heart and set yourself free
Stand up
Stand out
Stand tall
Never let their hate filled words break your resolve
You’re not a freak, a mistake of nature
You deserve to belong and to be loved
You are human too!

Well at least I still have a word processor

So I have a little time on my hands again, we’ll get to why later, and decided to update this thing for a little change. This makes twice in a week … see I am improving!

School is finally nearing the end for this year, I have a grand total of exactly 8 days left of these two pain in the a$$ classes and then I can officially begin summer vacation. The work load has been way more than I wanted to do for this session, but still manageable. Thankfully I excel at writing, even in the college paper and essay realm, and the only issues I ran into were lack of interest in the subject, Geography, and a professor who is IMPOSSIBLE to pleas in Cultural Diversity. I have yet to get full credit on one single assignment outside of weekly participation and one of my six weekly quizzes. That was pure luck since it’s a 10 question quiz with exactly 15 minutes to complete, I simply managed to beat the 25% odds on every question and guess correctly the few I didn’t honestly have an answer for. I always was good at pulling a good test score even when I hadn’t read a single word of the assignment for the week, nice to know I can still pull that off once in a while.

The tail bone is healing, slowly, but I managed a short ride on the motorcycle over the weekend. Unfortunately, the cruiser style of bike I have puts a tone of pressure on the tail bone area when you ride and, while it use to be comfortable, with a fractured tail bone it hurts just to sit on the darn thing. Add in the vibration of the engine and road surface and I was ready to get off after just a few miles in the saddle. It’s less painful today than is was over the weekend and hopefully I will be able to ride again soon. If not, I did a little research for a seat cover that will resolve this issue for me and just might have to buy an “old man seat cover” for the saddle until this heals fully. In any case, I will be riding again by May 16, though not participating in the River Ride with the crew that day; 200 miles just won’t happen that soon for my tail bone.

I still haven’t written another word on my next project, nor have I done a dang thing about getting another agent for Unconditional. I contacted someone who may act as an editor for me, but she is extremely busy and nothing has been finalized as of yet. I am tempted to just self publish the damn thing with lulu.com, buy the ISBN number, stick with on demand printing, post it on eBay and Amazon.com, and be done with it. BUT, would it really sell on Amazon.com with a listing of thousands of books on there? My gut tells me know and that I should stick to hitting the virtual pavement and dig up an agent. For the record, so do those that are in the business and have read it. They claim I just haven’t hit the right agent’s inbox yet. Well DUH! If I had hit the right inbox by now I would have a signed agent contract and they would be working on a publishing deal for me. Instead, at least I have written it and those who it was really written for have read and enjoyed it. That counts for something I suppose

It’s up, it’s down, it’s UP …. No wait, it’s down again!

That statement was heard frequently at work today as the Office Internet connection bounced from functional to offline for the better part of the day. Thankfully, our crack team of communication experts, okay I can’t even type that with out chuckling, was on hand to resolve the issue in no time flat, or uphill, or downhill, or whatever elevation change you can think to plug in here. Seriously, the internet bounced between usable and dead for a little over two hours today, spending most of that time period in the dead column, and people noticed. At the same time it was reported that our firewall locked up cold and had taken out three of the five facilities outside our corporate office that have a constant live connection to our building. Coincidence that the internet went down over the same interval? Last I knew, the connections to the facilities were restored, the firewall was still running, and our Internet connections was flaky at best … Thankfully its up frequently enough that I managed to get a little work done thins afternoon, and then it dies again and I had to start over. Got to love our dependence on technology and the Internet.

Catching Up ...

The “newness” of Facebook has worn off after roughly a month of using it almost daily. Yet, I still log in almost daily and either play a game or two or at the very least change my status message. I’m not on it three and four times a day like I was in the beginning, but it has remained a part of my daily routine, and this blog has suffered for it. I once used this blog to keep my friends informed about happenings in my daily life, and occasionally to vent frustrations. Over the last month that I have been an active Facebook member, I think I have updated the blog three times, but that may be over estimating it. I suppose it’s time to break that cycle and get back to journaling on here again.

School is, well going. I am 4 painful weeks into my final six weeks of classes before a much needed summer break. May 14 I will once again be free to spend free time writing things I care about and want to see completed rather than one essay after another form my painful Cultural Diversity class. The class title alone evokes instant headache pains, and did long before I knew what I was in for. I am an open minded culturally aware person, the exact opposite of who this class was designed for eons ago. I was not looking forward to taking it and decided to just get it out of the way now and be done with it, mistake number one. I am also taking a World Geography class, figured it would go well with a cultural class, mistake number two. These two classes combined mean that I am writing one to two essay papers a day, every day. All of them have a minimum word count in the 200-300 range and some come with a maximum word count of 500. Failure to keep it in the word count range means point reductions in Geography and 0 points in Cultural Diversity. As much as I hated my C++ and Java programming classes, I would gladly take them again if it meant I wouldn’t have had to endure this semester with these two classes. The saddest part is that I have yet to learn something I didn’t already know in EITHER class. I have been reminded of things I learned in high school, but nothing I didn’t already know about. There are still two weeks left, maybe I can get something out of these two classes other than a mediocre grade yet, but I won’t hold my breath.

Work, it’s work. Same stuff, different day and week. Disaster Recovery testing went, and as it typical not all of it worked as planned, but within 24 hours of the building being totally destroyed we know we can have the core business back online and process orders again. Whether we could write checks, or look up sales data historically is another story, but we could process payroll so long as you have direct deposit, which most of us do, so I’m okay with that. NooB is improving, or my tolerance for his mistakes is growing. One of the two, you make the call which it is. The bottom line about work, I still have a job. That is something more than many of my friends and Jen effective last Friday.

That’s right, Jen lost her job Friday. Thank you President Obama for extending those UE benefits out to 79 weeks, and for the State of Michigan who increased the UE benefit maximum. Our checking account will appreciate it I’m sure. Now if only I could add her to my insurance so we didn’t’ have to pay the COBRA on hers … that would make this just about perfect timing. We knew it was coming, just didn’t expect it so soon, nor did we expect it to happen the way it did. I’m actually happy she’s not working there any more, she was miserable. I would rather have to foot the full bill for her insurance than see her so miserable Sunday through Friday and occasionally on Saturday too. She has been looking to get out of there for a while and has a couple of leads on a new job, but if nothing else, 79 weeks of UE will allow her to spend some time with Mom and get us back into the trading game with the little bit of capitol we have managed to save over the last year.

That covers the major stuff, nothing has happened with Unconditional, I haven’t done much work on the new project yet, and I’ve slacked off on searching for an agent to represent Unconditional. School got in the way. I have my motorcycle from Mom and Dad’s, but with a busted tail bone I can’t ride it. Maybe by this weekend I can stand a short ride with Jen. I reconnected with some old friends, thanks to Facebook, and haven’t found the time to even send Jack an e-mail let alone hang out with him. Vermont vacation has been canceled for this summer and instead we are taking a long weekend to Tennessee over Memorial Day weekend and a 7 night camping trip to the U.P. in August. So far we think Tahquemenon Falls State Park … but no reservations have been made yet.

Is it really too much to ask that he take notes?

Okay, so the NooB has worked here for 7.5 months now and is still not grasping some of the major stuff he needs to know to do his job around here. This may be partly my fault for not covering everything with him in his training, or my co-workers for forgetting a few items along the way when he first started. However, it has become painfully clear that he either refuses to take notes or writes things down on scrap paper and then looses it.

There are things I know for a fact we have covered with him on multiple occasions, and yet he continues to ask the same questions or claims to not know how to resolve an issue we have walked him through multiple times. In some cases, like re-enabling a user’s AS/400 ID after they have locked it up, NooB has been shown how to do it, told to write down the command for future use, and still had to ask me how to do it again a few minutes ago. He is notorious for taking a call from a user, telling them he’ll take care of it and call them back, then hanging up before asking all the questions he needs an answer to in order to resolve the problem. Take the As/400 ID problem for example. There are two reasons a user calls up to get this reset, either they get an error message that says their account has been disabled, or they log in with no errors and get no menu, just a black screen. They are causes by two totally different issues and if you don’t’ ask the user the simple questions of “What happens when you log in?” and then clarify it with “Do you get any error messages?” it’s impossible to know for which reason they are calling. IRRITATING!

Also on the irritating front, school! I am done with Winter Quarter and have moved on to my last six weeks of classes before a much needed long summer break. This session I have two classes, both are general ed’s. Cultural Diversity is a class I never wanted to take in the first place and to make it even worse; I landed an instructor who is a nit picky pain in my grade book! The class is 100% online and all assignments have minimum word could requirements. This I am use to but she has added to the mix the requirements that all discussion questions as well as essays are cited in APA format from our textbook. The first week of classes the Discussion Questions did not require any research at all and were almost entirely opinion based answers. Unfortunately for me this instructor is one who believes that if you did not cite the text in each and every Discussion question, including those that required no research o answer, you get 0 points out of 40. So, after the first two assignments for the week have been graded, I have 10 out of a possible 50 points! WHOO HOO! It’s early enough in the class that I can easily make up those missing points and pull off a solid B- or better (the class is based on 1000 points total) but the fact that she is a nit picky – find any excuse to give you no credit- instructor will make the remaining five weeks absolute torture on me. Lucky for me my other class, Geography is going much better so far, but no assignments have been graded yet for that one so I may find out I missed the boat on something there as well. Tomorrow it will be one week down and five more to go … Counting the days until May 6 when I am done with classes until the end of September!

It came, The internet survived, NOTHING HAPPENED!

So April first came, and went, and the world continued. What did we learn? Sadly the answer for 99% of the citizens of this country that answer is NOTHING!

For weeks the news media has been hyping up the latest virus threat set to detonate on, of all days, April fools Day. The detonation day alone should have been a clue for most people, but then we tend to believe whatever the news media tells us. Let the panic begin. Much like the last handful of virus scares that the news media reported for weeks prior to their suspected “detonation” Confickr was a spectacular dud. The virus is real, and it did in fact adjust its code, but the world didn’t end. The Internet didn’t crash, the sky didn’t fall, and corporations world wide continued business as usual in spite of all the media reports telling us all about how these things may not function.

This reminds me of another wide spread media panic about ten years ago. Back then they called it “The Millennium Bug” or “Y2K Bug” and, just like way back then, the business world was aware of the problem months if not years before the media ever got a hold of the story. Coders patched holes and found ways to detect Confickr back in August of 2008, when it first arrived on the scene in its pre-April fools form. This, by the way, was the third generation of the little bug which has been a known detectable virus by all major anti-virus applications for much longer than the media has been hyping the latest version. So why all the hype? Are people really so ignorant of the technology they rely on for daily tasks that they will believe anything the media tells them? Or are they so afraid of the technology that they believe one day it will turn on us and take over the world ala Space Odyssey or iRobot style? Seriously people, if you are that paranoid do us all a favor and cut the phone, cable, and electricity lines connecting your home to the grid. Become a hermit with a bomb shelter.

In other news … Winter quarter ended yesterday, Spring quarter starts today. SIX WEEKS FROM NOW I WILL BE ON SUMMER BREAK!!!!!!!!!

Ahh the joys of being dependant on technology!

So what do you do at work when the infrastructure fails and you can not connect to anything on the network? In my case, I field phone calls for the first ten minutes, then laugh at those who didn’t figure out they couldn’t get on the network 30 minutes after it went down. Play a little pinball, some spider solitaire, and eventually decide to work on some homework only to discover it requires the Internet, something I can not connect to.

Sometime around 9:00 this morning the 2nd floor of the building lost all network connectivity, and thankfully it is not part of my job to fix it. I work on servers and PC’s only; we have two Communications guys who are responsible for cabling, routers, and switches. This is excellent news for me on days like this though some days I wouldn’t mind sharing those responsibilities, mostly because the network would run so much better if the current head of the Comm Team would streamline a few things. But I digress. As I type this, it is now almost 10:00 AM and we still do not have the issue resolved. When trying to get updates from the Comm Team about what the problem may be or when they estimate it will be resolved the only answer we can get is “It’s not working!” My instant response to him was to scream “DUH!” inside my own head and bite down hard on the tip of my tongue to keep from verbalizing my true feelings about the man, it is a place of business after all and I do have to work with Mr. Personality for a few more years.

So now that I have become bored with the limited selection of games available on my PC, have discovered I can’t even work on homework because it needs Internet access, can’t get on the Internet or any server in the building, and can’t even check my e-mail I am at a loss for what I CAN do. Lucky for me, some time ago I loaded Microsoft Office locally on my system, for most users here we run it from the server and technically, mine should be set up the same way. I do not recall loading it locally, and probably should reload it to match my user communities setup after this is over, but I won’t. Today having it installed locally is my saving grace and is keeping me from being bored out of my mind. At least with a word processor that works and my thumb drive handy I can write to fill the gap in productive work time. I can now legitimately spend some time typing up this entry and then move on to crank out another few chapters in my new project. If the network stays down long enough maybe I can finish this first section yet this week, MAYBE.

UPDATE: 10:45 AM … one hour 45 minutes later, we’re still down with no ETA on a resolve though we do now know it is hardware related. Too bad Management wouldn’t pay for that 2hour response time Maintenance agreement, I think we got stuck with the 24 x 7 one which, while better than Business Hours Only, means they have 24 hours to resolve the problem after we call it into the vendor. Oh, and last I knew we had no spare backbone equipment either!

UPDATE: 11:30 AM … we’re up, oh wait … maybe … or not! Apparently they are narrowing down the issue but about 10% of us who are on the affected hardware are still down and the other 90% do not have reliable connections. And so I continue to write and play Spider Solitaire on the companies dime.

UPDATE: 11:45 AM … I was able to do something productive for about 5 minutes, then it died again. Who knows how much longer this will be, but we now know which piece of hardware is taking down the rest of the segment … I suppose that accounts for something … …

UPDATE: 12:20 PM … and we’re up … not 100% certain of the cause but it appears hat the nooB plugged two active network drops into a hub creating a loop I the network. Ethernet doesn’t like loops! So he’s been educated on networking 101 now and the better question is why it took 3 and a half hours to trace down the problem. But, that’s an issue for the Comm Department to tackle with the Director if IT in a meeting this afternoon.

Similiar story, different day

Once again I arrived at work today and was told that if anyone called about their network account being locked out I was to check with my boss before re-enabling it for them. That sentence alone was both good and bad news. It first told me there were going to be more people let go, but it also told me that since I was being informed, I was not on their list of cuts.

Once again, today my company made the hard decision to reduce it's workforce, this time at our manufacturing locations rather than the corporate headquarters where I work. Once again today, on more than one occasion, I was reminded of why I work with computers rather than in a human resource capacity. I was reminded how lucky I am to have a job at all, though there are days I wonder if it would be all that bad to find a new one, but that is a different blog all together.

Once again today, as the news made its way around the office I did my best to withhold judgment for the decisions being made, and to remember that they are simply doing what they feel is in my best interest. Yes MY best interest as a current employee who is still hopeful that we can endure the current state of the economy without cutting many more jobs. I know that some decisions are easy, removing redundancy and employees who have long since served their purpose but never moved on to something else. However, I am well aware that most of those decisions do not come easily nor are they handled lightly. Plain and simple, in an effort to slim the business for current market conditions, they are adding to the unemployment numbers in locations that already see high numbers from businesses trying to do the same thing. It's tough, no question about it; but I still get to go to work tomorrow!

And so it goes ...

It was almost exactly four years ago that my company began to cut down on its workforce in mass. When I started here in early 2004 our payroll was well above 2000 nation wide with more in Canada and Taiwan. Today, after years of scaling back at the plant levels, sometimes laying off an entire shift at a time, and the initial 26 whose jobs were eliminated in February 2006 in this office alone, our ranks have shrunk almost in half. Another 6 jobs here at the corporate office have been eliminated as of 9 this morning; mine was thankfully not among them. This takes our total work force here in the US to just below 1100 people. There is your workforce reduction and proof of just how tight the business world has gotten these days.

The reasons behind the reduction in force are all about streamlining the business to keep us afloat during these hard times. A few of the people let go gave little to their departments and almost nothing to the company as a whole, but they were employed yesterday and now are filing for unemployment even as I write this. A few of those let go today I considered friends, and I will miss their smile around the office. A few of them were an annoyance and nothing more; sadly I have to admit I take a bit of joy in their leaving the company. This may be partly because I know I am one who will go down with the ship if I do not choose to jump first. My job is almost as secure as it can be, even in these uncertain times, and for the first time in my life I will be at the bottom of the cut list every time it is circulated.

I managed to make it clear to my boss, my co-workers, and those in management who make these hard decisions that I am not expendable. My skills are required for daily business functions and truth be told, if it came down to me or my co-worker who knows the most about all that I manage, it would not be me who is let go even though he has close to six years seniority over me. In more ways that I think he understands, he is my backup, and the backup for our boss. If push comes to shove and one of us must go, management knows that he must be first because some of what I do is mission critical and no one else is comfortable backing me up on those responsibilities. I also have a greater ability to multi task and actually accomplish things in my day rather than trying to take on more than one task and getting nothing done as a result.

Or economy has dictated a reduction in staff to save the business. Our parent company has dictated that we continue to make money to support those failing sectors of their business. And, as unfair as it seems, we here at BC once again reduce our staff, spread the responsibilities of our former co-workers to the already over burdened remaining staff, and are thankful that we still get to report to work tomorrow and collect a paycheck weekly.

So I have noting left ... Apple will soon no longer be evil

Okay, I admit it I’m a computer geek who stands firmly on the PC side of the world. Or at least I did. I’ve been playing with computers in their IBM clone form since about 1984 and, except for a way cool pinball game on the old Apple IIe system, I’ve never cared much for anything Apple ever produced. Years into my paying computer career, long about 1997 or so, I got my first real taste of the PowerMac systems and their quirky OS(operating system). It’s a fair guess to say that my initial foray into the Mac world did not go well, even left me wondering why in the world anyone would buy one most of the time, and it certainly left a bad taste in my mouth with the high priced software and hardware and limited abilities to do what I needed them to do.

In the years that have passed since then, Mac’s have evolved both in hardware and in OS reliability and features. I have changed jobs a few times and managed to get away from all things Apple related for a few years before coming to my current position where I am the sole supporter of our limited MAC supply. It is not a primary duty and in fact, was not even a duty of mine until we suffered a tech support head count reduction and I was the only one left who had ever worked on or with a Mac system for more than an hour of my life. That’s when my dislike for all things Apple related began to grow into a healthy hatred.

I have spent countless hours searching the Internet, banging my head against the wall, and on the phone researching solutions to annoying issues with our five, soon to be six, Mac systems over the last four years. In all that time I have gained a ton of new knowledge about the way they work, seen their OS evolve with each new release, and could, if I were forced to, spend and entire week doing most of my job duties on a Mac system rather than a PC. I say most because there are still some things Mac’s just can’t do and will never be able to. There are some Network Admin utilities I use to support our Microsoft and Linux based systems that, to be blunt don’t run, can’t run, will never run on a Mac and trying to use some sort of virtual PC emulator on the Mac just seems pointless, though admittedly it may work. In my continued work on the newer models and software versions, I have to admit that Apple has grown on me a bit and, should they ever stop pricing themselves out of the market I might consider owning one.

My last remaining stance against Apple is their iTunes/iPod phenomenon and deceptive licensing and pricing schemes to date. Most people I talk to can’t tell the difference between an MP3 player and an iPod and just assume that in order to get any digital music one must download it from iTunes. For those of us in the know, iPods were an expensive toy that must be cracked to be useful and while cool, were quickly tossed aside for other brand MP3 players with less hassle and strings. As players like the Zune, Zen, and Sansa began to gain market share their users quickly found out that all those iTunes songs they had paid for could not be loaded on their new players, because they were not iPods. Software was developed to resolve this and iTunes downloads were hacked and made available for free on the limewire and gnutella networks for the rest of us to share. So while Apple’s hardware, the MacBook and Mac Pro desktops were growing on me along with their OSX versions, their greedy iTunes and iPod debacle kept me firmly on the side of PC. Though I do side with Mac in every single commercial including the Mac vs PC duo, particularly when they slam Vista, Microsoft’s weak attempt at a new version of Windows. But now, after a lifetime firmly on the PC side of life, I find my reasons for hating, or even disliking Apple and all that they produce slipping away. Today they announced the end of their deceptive digital rights management in all iTunes downloads (what prevents them from being played on any device and for an unlimited amount of plays and copies). This means that Apple has torn down my last barrier, my last solid argument for why Mac, iTunes, and iPod’s are evil. I suppose in this New Year I should turn a new leaf and admit publicly that Apple isn’t all that bad. For those who prefer their toolbars with an apple instead of a Start Button, who like their shortcuts to be called an alias, who use force-Quit instead of Ctrl-alt-Del … I declare a truce!

Apple Press Release Here

Sign out for lunch, seriously?

I’m pretty easy going about most things, particularly things in my professional life but one thing gets under my skin no matter how hard I try to just go with the flow. I can’t stand to be micro managed! I am an adult, I can handle managing my time efficiently, and forcing me to account for every minute of my day just makes me irritated to the point of hating my job. This is partly why I like where I work, my boss is fairly laid back on time management and provided I get things done on schedule, I have free reign on managing my own time; or I use to. I’m not certain what his deal is now, maybe it’s putting on a show for the newB, maybe he’s getting pressure from his manager again, but for the last two weeks working under him has gone from irritating to down right infuriating! He is constantly on my back asking what I am doing, when I’ll be done, if I did this and that, and in the event I answer no I had better have an “acceptable” reason for not completing said task. Today he’s also decided that we are no longer capable of managing our own lunch times and now have to sign out on the department grease board with the date and time that we left. It won’t be long before he also makes us sign back in I’m sure just so he can be certain that at least one of us is in the department at all times and nobody is taking a lunch that is too long. His reason seems understandable, since we are after all Tech Support for the whole company and need to be available from 8am to 5pm with no lapses in coverage. However, the timing of this new development is suspicious.


Today I left for lunch at roughly 12:50, we get 45 minutes Monday through Friday. At 1:15 I was at my desk eating my lunch when my boss walked in and asked me if I had gotten his voicemail. When I told him I had not yet listened to it he walked away in a huff and less than 10 minutes later there was a department wide e-mail telling us of the new lunch policy of signing out on the board. When I finished eating lunch, by 1:30 I might add, I listened to my voicemail already knowing it was from my boss. I have no idea what happened in the 15 minutes I was out of the building but apparently he wanted to speak to me and all his voice mail said was call me when you get back to your desk. I followed his instructions, he was not at his desk, and I left him a voice mail that has yet to be returned. I guess it wasn’t such an emergency after all yet it was enough to make him feel he now needs to micro manage every detail of our days, lunch times included.

How many more days till he retires?

A little proof that I am still breathing

All right, it’s been over a week and it’s time to start writing again. The economy is still tanking on a week-by-week basis and my investment account is shrinking almost daily. The election ads are still running though the McCain camp wants the world to believe they have abandoned Michigan as a lost cause. Seems like yet another political chess move that backfired on the republicans because for every “red” ad there is a “blue” one that both precedes and follows it in all forms of media with most of them funded by non-partisan groups like the UAW.


Work is, well, work. We have finally hired a new PC Technician to fill in the huge gaps created close to three years ago when our company made major staffing reductions. Woo hoo! Finally, somebody else can start answering the “I forgot my password” calls while I concentrate on larger projects that have been collecting dust for the past three years. Unfortunately, this also means that we have to train the newB, he’s right out of college and has little to no “real world” experience so this will take a while. I remember being young and green, though I began working in the field while still in college, and I’m trying to give the kid the same kind of chance I had when I was in his shoes. I was fortunate enough to have a boss that trusted me, was patient with me, and encouraged me to step outside of my shell and do things I was totally uncomfortable with almost daily. He challenged me to do phone support within weeks of joining the company and against my better judgment, I agreed to give it a shot. Anyone who knew me right out of high school knows how shy I was back then but somehow the security of not being face to face with the person allowed me to excel at my new duties and eventually I moved into a role of face-to-face support. Almost fifteen years later and I now find myself in the position to groom a new generation of tech support and will gladly hand over the reigns of day-to-day user support as soon as the newB is ready to take them.

The book, well it’s finished and awaiting a decision on who should publish it for the masses. I have three offers on the table from three different subsidy publishers at the moment. I am not certain subsidy is the way to go, so they sit there while I consider other options. I like the idea of 50% royalties on every sale, but that will only help recoup the initial out of pocket expense of $500-$600 if the book actually sells. As an unknown author, there are no guarantees and I would be relying heavily on the publisher’s marketing machine to get it out there for me. Since I can’t seem to find much on either of the companies out there, good or bad, I am taking my time in making this decision. In the mean time, I have updated the version available through the lulu.com storefront with the new chapters, tweaks to existing ones, and the current cover. I hope to see Jack next weekend and drop of his copy, Stacey is next on my list, and by Christmas it should be in the hands of all those I have promised final versions to.

Speaking of next weekend, the bike, sadly, has gone north for the winter and I will be pulling it out of the trailer and parking it in the back of the barn at Mom and Dad’s next weekend. I am hopeful that the weather will hold out for me at least one day and I can take a final ride, burn a little more gas out of the half-full tank, and clean the remainder of thousands of dead insects from the chrome before parking it for the next five months. It will signal my official end of summer and may induce a state of depression for a few days, but have no fear, I’ll just write to make it all go away instead of climbing on my bike and letting my sadness blow in the wind. I have a new story to tell, one that will require my attention in the coming months while I wait for spring to arrive and can once again use my motorcycle as therapy. Maybe by then I’ll have a sailboat to use instead and the motorcycle will just be a fun form of transportation with excellent gas mileage.

It is slightly past mid-October, the holidays are looming in the near future, and the leaves are finally falling from the trees everywhere I look. School is puttering along nicely and except for this weeks assignments has come and gone without much real head scratching on my part. Given a little time at home over the next two days I should manage this weeks assignment as well and can concentrate on finishing up this final project once and for all. Then it’s on to the next six weeks of Java where we will complete the book and I may need to spend more time writing code than I currently do. I have a backup plan, Eric has taken Java and should be able to assist if I get in a bind. I haven’t had to call yet, but he’s been warned. Provided Jen cooks dinner he says he’s willing to do a little java tutoring if need be.

And now you are up to speed


Three strikes and we’re on to try number four in a few weeks

I'm outgoing?

Since the economy and politics are the talk of the office these days, and to be honest I am just as guilty as the next person in my vocal disdain about both subjects, much time is spent discussing personal things in a work environment lately. Since its work I try to stay out of the political discussions, it leads down a dangerous path where people may ask me why I am not voting for McCain. Somehow, I think that my answer of “Because Palin scares the shit out of me” seems like it may open up the discussion to subjects that are better left alone in a work environment. Anyway, a few days ago, it was an economy discussion in the halls of Customer Service and while I was waiting for a piece of software to install, I joined in on the discussion. As my loyal readers already know I have been making light of the situation on here with some occasional photos and short blurbs about how “well” the economy is doing and in that conversation I described my latest blog posting. One of the people wanted to see the photo and I e-mailed the link to the post when I returned to my desk. This was the first time anyone from the office had seen my blog, which links to my MySpace.com profile, and in true Internet Surfer style, she followed the link. I later received an e-mail that said, “I found your site very interesting … a few things I didn’t know about you.” Obviously, that prompted a quick e-mail discussion and an eventual face-to-face conversation.

First, I am out at work and most people, including this co-worker are not only aware that my partner’s name is Jen but also have no problem with it. I knew my sexuality had nothing to do with what she “learned” about me on my blog and myspace.com profile, but I had no idea what it was that she did learn. When we finally managed to get a few minutes without lots of ears listening, I asked and was surprised by her answer. She was shocked that I battled depression or was ever suicidal at all in my life. She told me “You’re so outgoing. I just never would have thought that you had depression issues, ever.”

After I managed to wipe the shock of my face and get the brain spinning again, I explained that I grew up in a small town, as in population less than 1,000, and stuck out like a sore thumb starting in junior high. I didn’t want to go into all the other issues but she seemed to understand why growing up gay in that type of environment might lead someone down the depression highway. Again, we were at work and there were ears listening and mouths ready to spew gossip to others around the office so the subject was kept general and not much detail was given.

It’s been two days since our conversation and I’m just now beginning to understand how much I have changed since high school. When I left that little hole-in-the-map town I was hurt and angry. I had spent the past seven years not fitting in, hiding who I was, trying to fly under the radar, and thinking of ways to end my life. I hated waking up every morning to realize I was still faced with an existence I felt I couldn’t control and another day spent keeping my mouth shut to avoid confrontation. I had few friends and was distancing myself from the ones I knew I would have a hard time leaving behind when I skipped town after graduation never looking back. I was quiet but stood my ground when challenged. I was outspoken when I felt I needed to stand up for my rights, and myself but for the most part I simply sat on the sidelines of life and waited for the day when I could escape into the real world.

It’s been a little over thirteen years since I moved out of Small-town-America and eleven of that has been spent working in Corporate America supporting technology. I have worked with people from all walks of life, backgrounds, political views, religions, and even nationalities. I am probably the most tolerant and easygoing person when it comes to others flaws, and I blend into the group well no matter who it consists of. It’s a gift I suppose, but it has a lot to do with my past life spent blending into the background whenever possible and not making waves unless it was important. Don’t get me wrong, I am not now nor was I ever a push over. Challenge something I believe strongly in and you will run into a brick wall. Thankfully, this is not something I deal with much in my working environment. Part of the reason I have gone this far in my career in a male dominated industry, is my ability to both stand my ground, and to pick my battles well. I learned to let certain things slide, move on with the job, and tackle the major issues with force. I learned to be outspoken when it was required, and to be calm under pressure. However, my largest asset is the ability to talk to just about anyone, about almost anything, get the point across in a non threatening way (unless that is required), and walk away with the issue resolved and in most cases the user not feeling like they just got raked over the coals for messing something up. I guess in some people’s view, that makes me outgoing, and maybe they’re right.

I’ve spent a little time thinking about it over the last few days and can see a pattern of events, things I have done recently that I never would have had the guts to do thirteen years ago. I am still shy, still keep things to myself upon a first meeting, but I’ve learned to let that guard down more than I ever have in the past. I have used writing to tell people things I never thought I could and in at least one case am ready to say some of it face-to-face. That’s not going to be easy, in fact, it will be a first if I can make it through the conversation and actually tell him everything that has been bouncing around in my head for the last year, but I am ready. He’s the one person I have never felt comfortable opening up to; I always made him drag it out of me, and in some respects that hasn’t changed between us yet. I’m hoping it will after our conversation because there will be nothing left unsaid, no secrets to hide, no tap dancing around subjects with him.

While I was shocked to hear it come from someone else, I have NEVER thought of myself as outgoing, with a little reflection on the direction my life has taken and how I landed here, I guess I would have to agree, somewhat. Does this mean I’m forever cured?

I'm entitled ... IT'S NOT MY FAULT!

I hate CA!
I HAte CA!!
I HATE CA!!!
I H-A-T-E CA!!!!

FYI: CA is the abbreviated name for Computer Associates, the maker of our POS backup software here in the BC world. I don't manage the software, but it runs on all of my servers and SUCKS! It's common for the backup job to hang for no apparent reason and the only way to resolve it on the Novell servers is to reboot them. Today, two of the three Novell servers here at Corporate require re-booting because of this POS software, and guess who takes the heat for that? It's not my server that is the problem, yet I am the one who has the executive row up in arms because we need to stop all work i the office for 15 minutes while I reboot all the friggin servers to resolve the issue! The sad fact is that I'll most likely wind up doing it again next week on at least one of them, it seems to be a growing trend around here.

There's my rant for the day!

Okay ... so I found out why people keep asking me how I like mey new job. The people at work are trying to make sure I like it as much as they like me. The people outside of work are asking for one of two reasons. 1) just to be polite and strike up a conversation or 2) because they hope I am happy since it took me so long to find a new job in my field. This I can handle ... especially the people at work asking me. I found out today that HR has been informed that they made a good decision by my management. Of course it was my supervisor and his manager that had the final say and did the major interviews, HR simply took care of the Two-Headed end of the interview. Anyway this is a GOOD thing ... it means they don't want me gone.

I was asked earlier how I liked my new job. Actually people ask me that all the time recently ... (wondering why that might be)

Anyway my response was "I LOVE the new job! It's nice to be back in the corporate world collecting a weekly paycheck instead of peanuts from the circus ringmaster."

Apparently this was a comical response as it did invoke laughter from the other party. I was being serious. As anyone who has ever worked in a retail setting can attest to not only do you work for peanuts (otherwise knows as bubkiss, squat, or sh!t) but it feels a lot like being in the circus. You are forced to dress in uniforms (clown suit, costume); you're constantly on stage performing for the customer, and management in some cases, and the spot light shines brightly on you with each and every transaction. The customers, and occasionally management, are animals (substitute lions, tigers, bears, etc. as needed) and there are always messes to clean up. Sounds an awful lot like the circus to me.