Today, as I walked from my hotel down Market St. toward my office in the Financial District of San Francisco, I was in awe. On every light pole, in so many store fronts and even banks and the US Post Office hangs a rainbow flag. The very symbol of LGBT Pride. In this city, it is a symbol that LGBT people are seen, respected, and welcomed. They hang the entire month of June, known as Pride Month. As a Midwest girl who is still shocked to see rainbow flags displayed on any business in her home state of Michigan, seeing so many of them proudly hanging as far as you can see hit me right in the gut. It’s a feeling few can understand, and I doubt I can even describe accurately, but it boils down to knowing that here, in this city, during this month of the year, my difference is celebrated not hushed or swept under the rug.

I have been a lesbian all my life. Fact. I know it’s shocking to some who meet me for the first time, but in general I fit the stereotypical image they have for lesbians in their head, except that I do not wear flannel. Well not much. My sexuality has not been a real issue in my life since my family finally came to terms with it well over 20 years ago a year or two after I was forced out of the closet my senior year of high school. Their initial reactions were typical of parents in the mid 1990’s actually. They told me they loved me but wanted to be sure I knew what I was ‘getting into’ with this ‘choice’. They were fairly quickly educated on the language and word choice issues, and eventually came to accept both the fact that I was born to love differently than societal ‘norms’ and the partner I chose to spend my life with. My father even states with pride now that he has 4 daughters. Only 3 of us are related by blood, the other is my wife Jennifer.

After leaving life in Small Town America and finding a place where I could blend in a bit more easily as an out lesbian who refused to hide in a closet and did daring things like hold my wife’s hand while walking down a public street, I also found places where there were many more ‘like us’. I shopped LGBT owned café’s and bookstores. I attended PRIDE events and felt at home in a sea of weird, oddly dressed, misfits who all had one singular thing in common. We were societal outcasts because we loved differently. But over the years as society began to accept that LGBT people were not out to convert their children to a lifestyle, or pedophiles who would infect you with AIDS and instead just wired a little differently in the area of attraction and love, those same businesses I once frequented were no longer needed. It became okay to go to dinner and a movie with my wife and not be asked to leave for no reason other than we were clearly more than just friends. I could buy books and stickers over the internet, or at the large bookstores more conveniently located near my home.  And, I no longer needed to attend a PRIDE celebration to feel like I had a community who didn’t judge me.

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Somewhere along the way, the once thriving LGBT subculture was lost as we became mainstream. I always thought this was a good thing. But today, as I walked in to the office, I realized just how much I miss that feeling of acceptance you get when shopping an LGBT targeted business, eating in a café owned and operated by a gay couple, or attending a PRIDE event filled with thousands of people from every walk of life all celebrating their one common difference. I miss feeling like I belong, and it wasn’t until I saw all those flags proudly flying that I realized how misplaced I sometimes feel at home where rainbow flags are seldom seen. Every once in a while, it’s nice to be reminded that we are here, we are queer, and we are welcomed with open arms. So, I challenge you, my friends and family, to show your support in some way. Change your profile pic, find a meme and re-share it showing your support in some way. And, if you dare, stick a rainbow flag outside your business or home this month to let every LGBT person who so often feels unwelcomed and unworthy, that you support them and their right to love differently.

So about that blog post I promised to write …

Dear loyal readers,

I have not forgotten about you, or your interest in this blog, my life, and my writing. However, I have been far too busy for far too long to keep up with this thing. I have been writing all this time, but most of it has either been for my eyes only, not even shared with my wife if you can believe that, or has been in the form of a FaceBook (FB) status update or comment. Many of you are on FB and my FB friends list so you have not been kept too far out of the loop, though certainly not exactly included in all the goings on of my life since last fall. Let this post serve as the catch up for all those important things I have not yet shared, and I promise to update this thing a little more regularly going forward. Notice I said a little more regularly.

First off for those of you who do not yet know, my mother-in-law was diagnosed with stage IV ductal breast cancer last fall, round about the time I stopped posting my writing. See the coincidence here? Thee were other factors in my silence, like the completely unhealthy group I was in the process of terminating my membership with, a few work related issues, and the occasional life event I still choose to remain silent on. In any case, she is doing well, responding well to treatments, and having very few side effects of her treatments outside of the standard loss of hair. And for those who have not been through this, or watched someone go through this, let me just state that when I say loss of hair, it includes hair in places where you didn’t know hair grew.

Dealing with the diagnosis, the tests, the staging process, and the new schedule that would be applied to my life as my wife stepped up to be by her mother’s side as much as possible through this whole process has taken some major and minor adjustments. One of the first things to get pushed aside was my writing. It was in part because I didn’t feel much like finishing a story about a boy who leaves home right after high school with the intent to never see his father again, spends 20 years building a life for himself with no contact between the two of them, and then stumbles upon a relationship with him again through a twist of fate only to learn that his father is terminally ill. This story was conceived and the first 20 chapters or so written long before last fall’s news hit and it is in no way related to my mother-in-law’s diagnosis. Yet writing it just didn’t sit well with me any longer and I lost interest in writing all together as the weeks dragged on.

I did not stop writing all together though, but digging through the archives of the blog you’ll certainly notice a HUGE gap in entries beginning toward the end of last summer and lasting for what has become nearly a year. I can’t say that many things were written in that time period, but I can say that what was written was almost always merely me venting frustrations about one thing or another and eventually found its way into the recycle bin. On occasion I came up with a piece of something I hung onto, something that I managed to make general enough to post. But, as the archives make blatantly obvious, those were very few and quite far in between.

So, what else have I been up to over the last 9 months … sadly the answer is not really all that much. I have completed more classes and currently have just four left to obtain my latest degree, a Bachelor of Web Development. So long as they don’t cancel any classes on me I will be done with it next March! Then what I’m not certain, but there has been some consideration about going for a Masters Degree … time will have to tell that tale because for now I am focusing on SUMMER VACATION and those four remaining classes next year.

Life has really been all about family, friends, school, and work … in that order for probably the first time in decades. Having a potentially terminal diagnosis of someone you know, no matter how well you know them, is certainly a wake up call to get your life and priorities in line. It has been the catalyst for me purging all the drama and “fluff” from my life, hence exiting the DOB fiasco and no longer surrounding myself with their drama, negativity, and poor choices. I can’t even say the departure was amicable, I’m not certain they are capable of that from a local or national standpoint, but it was not a total waste of time. That group, the drama all last summer, and the eventually process of exiting their gang (and I mean that in every sense of the word) was something I needed to do. It served as a reminder of why I have not been active in the LGBT only culture since my early college days at Oakland, and why I will refrain from getting involved again in the future. It was a definite wake up call that there are two distinct versions of LGBT Equality and the activism that is required to achieve it, I am not interested in their tunnel vision of the world or what true equality is! I am also thankful that organizations like Triangle foundation, Michigan Equality, and Affermations exist and understand both how the world works and what needs to be done to achieve true equality for all, including LGBT people.

So there is the recap of my last 9 months. Reality check, Cancer, Exiting the Drama Queens (DOBD), eliminating as much drama from my life as possible, family, friends, work, school, and writing. Now that the purging of drama process is complete, or nearly, and school is out for the next 4 months, I’ll try to write more!

Office politics ... way too much like High School

I guess I was probably a little over due for a reality check on discrimination and discomfort with the whole subject of homosexuality for far too many people out there. It has been a long time since it has slapped me in the face as a reminder that not everyone out there is comfortable with my sexuality and some are down right offended by it. To be honest, I’m a little uncomfortable with the idea of women sleeping with men, but I don’t’ go around telling all the breeders of the world to stop loving who they love and prohibit their rights to equality and free speech.

This all began last Friday when I innocently wore my Dykes on bikes club T-Shirt to work since it was a jeans day. I got a few smirks and second glances as I walked in and up to my desk, but nothing out of the ordinary or all that unexpected. I also managed to get a few compliments on the design and one person asked where they could get one like it. It was a quiet day around the office and I went on with the business of my day, left my desk a grand total of three times, and had extremely limited contact with the rest of my co-workers. Yet, at about 11:30 my direct supervisor came and asked me to come with him. As we passed by his office where I assumed we were headed, he told me we needed to go talk to the Director of our department … never a good thing. I was told that I was in violation of the company dress code because my T-shirt fell into the vague category of “overly controversial” and that I would need to take the remainder of the afternoon off (with pay) because I did not have another shirt to change into. Let the drama begin.

I asked few questions, knowing that the office politics were not worth getting upset over right then and there, returned to my office to close out of all my files, grabbed my bag, and headed to the human Rescources office. It was then that I learned that HR had no idea I was being sent home, seemed a little strange to me, and that the person who was in HR that day could not explain to me why the shirt was so controversial. She requested that I bring it back Monday so that her boss could look into the matter for me. On that note, I left the building at about noon on a beautiful sunny June afternoon and enjoyed my suddenly extended weekend. I had some things I needed to get done before Monday morning, which is what I was working on when I was called away from my desk. I made the decision that if I was not allowed to work my regular schedule to complete those tasks they could wait until next week and the project would simply be delayed a week, no skin off my nose. I didn’t do a single work related thing from Friday at noon until I arrived today at 8:30 to start the new week. Thank you for the time off!
I had time to cool off over the weekend, to let the irritation slide a little bit and approach the issue with a little more political tact that I could have mustered Friday. I scheduled a meeting with the HR manager as directed and took in the shirt so he could look at it. The first words out of his mouth “Wow that’s a pretty shirt. I wouldn’t mind wearing one of these.” Then he attempted to answer my questions and assure me that he will look into the matter for me. He also apologized on behalf of the company that I felt “singled out”. Until that moment, I didn’t realize that everyone else sees this as a clear case of discrimination. I was simply asking why the shirt was controversial, not why I couldn’t wear it. If it doesn’t fit the dress code for jeans Fridays, I won’t wear it. But I need to know why it doesn’t fit so that I don’t wear another shirt that may land me in the same situation. So far, nobody can tell me the answer to that question.

In that short conversation with HR, I don’t feel much better about any of this. If anything, I’m more confused. What I learned is that if one single person is uncomfortable with or offended by a shirt you wear to work you can be sent home, presuming that the dress code is enforced universally. I guess this means that for every Christian, political, sports team affiliated, etc shirt I see that I disagree with I should take my concern to HR rather than being an adult, considering the source, and walking away. I was also reminded that there are people in this office, a place I have been comfortable enough to be out from the moment I walked in on my first day, that are so uncomfortable with my sexual orientation that merely being reminded of it is offensive to them. Seeing gay pride colors or slogans on my shirt, or the trade marked name of a lesbian motorcycle organization makes them so uncomfortable that they can’t get their work done if it is in the building. Yet those same people see nothing wrong with spouting Bible verses, wearing Christian themed shirts, and discussing Christian topics in the middle of the office corridors where not every employees of this company is a Christian. Ahh the double standard.

My saga continues over the T-shirt controversy as the HR manager asks questions of those involved in the decision to send me home, and to our parent companies HR department to find out their view of the situation and how things should have been handled. In the mean time, I’m uncomfortable being in the building today, and experiencing a feeling I haven’t felt in a long time, hatred toward me for something I can not, nor do I wish to change. I know it is their ignorance that will one day be their downfall. I know that I must be the bigger person and allow them their prejudice, but I don’t like this familiar feeling of being alone in the crowded office and not even able to look my department head in the face let alone the eye. He has forever lost my respect simply for the way in which he handled the situation. I guess it’s fitting that he is obviously uncomfortable around me today as well. He has not said a single word to me in the handful of time I have crossed his path and more than once he has seen me walking toward him in the hall and turned away rather than acknowledge my presence. Feels like high school all over again in so many ways!

Born into a world that will never understand you
Forced to live a life that will never make you whole
Spend your whole life wondering why it doesn’t feel right
Or listen to your heart and set yourself free
Stand up
Stand out
Stand tall
Never let their hate filled words break your resolve
You’re not a freak, a mistake of nature
You deserve to belong and to be loved
You are human too!

Motor City PRIDE 09 - it was a good day!

It began like any other Sunday in June, except that I was awake, out of bed, and moving before 9:00 AM. Mom and Dad stayed the night after finishing the tile job very late on Saturday and, though I was awake when they left, I never actually saw them Sunday morning. Jen and I dressed and headed to Fenton to return the loaner car to the Ford dealer and pick up the Escape for what had better be the FINAL time for the transmission repair. A quick stop for breakfast and we were headed home under partly cloudy skies debating the weather for the remainder of the day. By 10:30 we had decided to risk the 10% chance of rain and climbed on the bike headed south for Motor City PRIDE in Ferndale, MI.

The winds were calm and the ride down was nice, even with a still healing tail bone, but when we hit Auburn hills I decided I needed a break from the express way pace. We exited smoothly on Square Lake Rd and took Woodward south to 9 Mile where the festivities had already gotten under way. Our instructions were to arrive at any of the barricades along 9 Mile and ask security how to get to the DOBD crew … but Security had no idea! Thankfully we had a cell phone and managed to contact H-Bom who gave us detailed directions to get around to the back of the blocked off area and in to our space for the day. The row of chrome was impressive!

Jen and I spent the day hanging with the girls, getting to know some of the members who have not been able to make it to meetings, and cruising through the crowds to check out all of the booths and festivities. It was our first PRIDE in at least 8 years and I was impressed at how much it has grown and how well they pulled it off considering the lack of communication and late planning for some of it. Jen and I even managed to make it into the new Affermations building, though Sean was not to be seen so I couldn’t give him a hard time about his days as president of GALA at Oakland University in the mid 1990’s

The PRIDE festivities wrapped up around 6:30 and many of us headed over to a member’s house for a little food and some quieter time to hang out. The streets of Ferndale were packed with people most of the day and the Thumpa-Thumpa of the dance pavilion could be heard way down at the end of the line where we were set up. It was nice to sit quietly in the back yard, well as quietly as 9 vocal women can sit while eating, razzing those around the table, and telling stories. I was comfortable with the crew, even those I didn’t know before walking into PRIDE that morning, and it was a good feeling to be with a group of friends who accept you as you are, no questions asked. For me, that’s what PRIDE is all about, well that and the people watching as they parade past you dressed, and often barely dressed, in everything you can think of, and many things you wouldn’t dream a person would wear in public.

Jen and I hit the road about 8:15 hoping to beat the incoming rain and crawl into bed before it got dark. We managed to pull into the garage at almost exactly 9:30, hang up the gear, and call it a night before the sun was completely down, but we did not manage to beat the rain completely. There was a period of about 5 miles of stinging rain drops on the face and minimal spray off the front tire, but like it often does in Michigan, it cleared, the pavement dried, and the wind dried us out long before we ever got home.
A good day … A long day … and next Saturday we ride to Lansing for Michigan PRIDE, as a pack!

I'm beginning to feel the Winds of Change

This was too cool not to post ... taken directly from Whitehouse.gov WORD FOR WORD!

THE WHITE HOUSE
Office of the Press Secretary

___________________________________________________________
For Immediate Release June 1, 2009

LESBIAN, GAY, BISEXUAL, AND TRANSGENDER PRIDE MONTH, 2009
- - - - - - -
BY THE PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA
A PROCLAMATION

Forty years ago, patrons and supporters of the Stonewall Inn in New York City resisted police harassment that had become all too common for members of the lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender (LGBT) community. Out of this resistance, the LGBT rights movement in America was born. During LGBT Pride Month, we commemorate the events of June 1969 and commit to achieving equal justice under law for LGBT Americans.

LGBT Americans have made, and continue to make, great and lasting contributions that continue to strengthen the fabric of American society. There are many well-respected LGBT leaders in all professional fields, including the arts and business communities. LGBT Americans also mobilized the Nation to respond to the domestic HIV/AIDS epidemic and have played a vital role in broadening this country's response to the HIV pandemic.

Due in no small part to the determination and dedication of the LGBT rights movement, more LGBT Americans are living their lives openly today than ever before. I am proud to be the first President to appoint openly LGBT candidates to Senate-confirmed positions in the first 100 days of an Administration. These individuals embody the best qualities we seek in public servants, and across my Administration -- in both the White House and the Federal agencies -- openly LGBT employees are doing their jobs with distinction and professionalism.

The LGBT rights movement has achieved great progress, but there is more work to be done. LGBT youth should feel safe to learn without the fear of harassment, and LGBT families and seniors should be allowed to live their lives with dignity and respect.

My Administration has partnered with the LGBT community to advance a wide range of initiatives. At the international level, I have joined efforts at the United Nations to decriminalize homosexuality around the world. Here at home, I continue to support measures to bring the full spectrum of equal rights to LGBT Americans. These measures include enhancing hate crimes laws, supporting civil unions and Federal rights for LGBT couples, outlawing discrimination in the workplace, ensuring adoption rights, and ending the existing "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" policy in a way that strengthens our Armed Forces and our national security. We must also commit ourselves to fighting the HIV/AIDS epidemic by both reducing the number of HIV infections and providing care and support services to people living with HIV/AIDS across the United States.

These issues affect not only the LGBT community, but also our entire Nation. As long as the promise of equality for all remains unfulfilled, all Americans are affected. If we can work together to advance the principles upon which our Nation was founded, every American will benefit. During LGBT Pride Month, I call upon the LGBT community, the Congress, and the American people to work together to promote equal rights for all, regardless of sexual orientation or gender identity.

NOW, THEREFORE, I, BARACK OBAMA, President of the United States of America, by virtue of the authority vested in me by the Constitution and laws of the United States, do hereby proclaim June 2009 as Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender Pride Month. I call upon the people of the United States to turn back discrimination and prejudice everywhere it exists.

IN WITNESS WHEREOF, I have hereunto set my hand this first day of June, in the year of our Lord two thousand nine, and of the Independence of the United States of America the two hundred and thirty-third.

BARACK OBAMA

The end of 08 ... it all blended together!

Generally this time of year I spend an hour or so typing up a blog recapping my last year’s main events … for those who missed it as they were happening. This year, I’ll get to it! Before I can recap the last year in one long post, I needed to type out a recap of just the last three weeks of 2008, since so much happened that I stopped Blogging as a whole during most of those three weeks. Details are fuzzy, a lot happened, but to the best of my knowledge I have everything in the right order and the dates that are given are correct.

The last thing I remember in full vivid detail was heading home from work December 18, 2008. I was wondering if I would be going to work the next day due to an impending snow storm headed our way. As it turns out my instincts were right and I wound up taking a much needed snow day on Friday December 19, 2008. I awoke to a minimal 2” of snow at 7am but it was quickly piling up and by noon, we had close to a foot of new white powder covering everything in sight. Jen and I attempted to do a little running later in the afternoon and were quite happy that we had not decided to venture to work that day when we saw the condition of the roads. I also remember a phone call later that evening that began a chain of events I am both happy and sad have taken place.

Jen called her sister for something, for what I don’t recall, but after a short discussion about how her grandmother was doing, she made another phone call. It was quickly decided that we would spend time Saturday afternoon in Flushing, at her dying grandmother’s house. Jen’s uncle Dennis from Burlington, VT was still in town, he arrived just before Thanksgiving after learning how ill his mother was, and his son Marty was on his way to Michigan to see his grandmother one last time before she died. And we would later discover just how perfect his timing was.

Saturday was in fact spent almost entirely at the home of Jen’s grandmother. It was not my first choice, yet I knew that was where she needed to be and it would have been unfair of me to not accompany her. It was the last weekend before Christmas, we had a ton of things to get done before the holidays were fully upon us, yet somehow allowing Jen time to spend with her family, both immediate and extended, giving her the chance most of us never get, to say good-bye and make peace with the passing of her grandmother, her last living grand parent, before her final breaths were taken; it just seemed right. And so my personal priority list was adjusted, moving Jen’s family, both immediate and extended, to the top of the list and adjusting our holiday plans to fit as well.

The phone call to my mother explaining that she had two choices, see us Christmas Eve and allow us to leave mid morning on Christmas Day, or not see us at all for Christmas this year did not exactly go well, but it went better than expected.. I knew what her choice would be, though neither option made her happy. And so, rather than the tradition of spending both Christmas Eve and all of Christmas Day with my family, this year we were destined to split the two days between 300 miles and two families. It was a pain but we made it work, and Jen was able to keep the promise she made to her grandmother that WE, both Jen and I would be there at her house on Christmas Day this year.

After spending time both Saturday and Sunday with Jen’s grandmother, we returned home to tackle some of the other items on the priority list, like finishing the required shopping and wrapping presents for the family. A few minutes after 6:00 Sunday night Jen got the phone call we had been both expecting and dreading since hearing the news that her grandmother had been diagnosed with terminal cancer just before Thanksgiving. I knew who it was, and why they were calling before I ever got up off the couch to get the phone. I remember checking caller ID and then handing Jen the phone, the next week is a blur.

Somewhere in there was another phone call, early the following morning if my memory is correct, telling us what the funeral arrangements would be, or at least what day it would be, and I know that both Jen and I went to work that day. I turned in my time off request for the funeral day I am entitled to and put in my 8 hours for the week. I remember more wrapping of gifts, packing, driving, and snow. I remember bad roads on the way to Mom and Dad’s wreaking havoc on my car about 70 miles from their house and making the decision to just keep driving. I remember knee deep snow in the driveway, parking my car in the garage after Dad built a fire hoping that it was just ice packed someplace it didn’t belong that was causing my car troubles, and I remember crashing later that night December 23, 2008 in a normally uncomfortable bed feeling like I was sleeping on a cloud.

December 24, 2008 the circus arrived at my parent’s house in the form of my two older sisters, their dogs, all four of them, the three nieces, and a brother-in-law. Suddenly the house I grew up in was far too small again and both Jen and I wondered if this should be our last Christmas spent with them there. I remember bickering, fighting, yelling, and occasional laughter mixed in. It was a typical holiday with my family! I remember attending church on Christmas Eve as it tradition, what else is one suppose to do on Christmas Eve but bow to the wishes of their parents, swallow their hatred for all things related to the church they grew up in, and sit quietly in the pew wishing the place would somehow be destroyed by an act of God as punishment for their hypocrisy? Ahh but that is another story all together, one with a much darker tone to it and something I shall save for another time. Back to the blur … There was a moment, or a few of them where Jen thought she had lost her ring in the snow and I left the service to go and look for it. Fearing it lost forever and believing it to be irreplaceable many tears were shed before it was eventually found in her pants pocket. She had tucked it there for safe keeping while she applied hand lotion before leaving the house that night. Sadly, that is the one event of the evening that sticks out in my mind, the rest blend together with those of the following morning. I know there were gifts that were opened, some that were liked, some that we’re not certain of. I know there was much laughter and excitement from the two elder nieces as they opened each package and moved on to the next, and I know I was happy to see that my parents had bought me the one big gift I had asked for and was certain they would not.

Sometime mid morning on Christmas Day, Jen and I packed the car and headed south. We drove through more snow and ice coated roads but somehow managed to make it far enough south that clear pavement was found, time was made up, and we were among the first to arrive for Christmas with her family. The remainder of this day blends in to the following two which were spent with the same people, just in a different location. Friday 12/26/2008 was spent at the funeral home in Chesning, MI for the visitation from 11am to 8pm, with a short dinner break in there from 4-6pm. The funeral was Saturday with a dinner to follow and by 4pm both Jen and I were finally home, changed, and cuddling on the couch for the first time in close to a week. Christmas had come and gone, New Years was on its way, and both Jen and I were unsure of what day of the week it was let alone where we would be spending our time over the next week.

I remember going to sleep Sunday night looking forward to a short work week and another long weekend that I would actually be able to enjoy. I was hoping to have time to spend with Jen, alone, and possibly get a few things done around the house. Mostly I was hoping to begin to recoup some of the sleep that was lost over Christmas and begin to separate our daily life from that of Jen’s family. We spent more time with her extended family over the final two weeks of December than we have in the last two years! Monday morning I awoke to the alarm and was happy to go to work. The day was easy and a little boring since the office was mostly out on vacation, but I managed to finish up the final tweaks for the prototype of Dennis’ website, burn it to disc, and hand deliver it when we arrived for a “final” family dinner Monday night.

The remainder of 2008 was spent running errands, cleaning the house, working on projects we intended to have done before Christmas, and the annual New Years Eve Game Night with Jen’s immediate family. So far in 2009, all five days of it, it looks like things are returning to normal and life can move forward finally.

How is it that the shortest day of the year, the Winter solstice, can seem like the longest day of your life?

December 21 1987 was the first time I remember wishing Christmas wouldn't come at all that year, and I was 10. I was in the fifth grade and my maternal grandmother had been in a bad car accident earlier that year. In 1987 seat belts were not the law, and air bags were yet to be invented, so it was primarily the dash board that broke the impact when she was thrown forward in the accident, and why her body sustained so much damage. I remember visiting her in the hospital and asking to sign her cast, she had signed the many casts I had on various limbs up to that point in my life. I also remember her coming home from the hospital to heal and having to be quiet in the house when we went to visit her on weekends. She was getting better, her bruises slowly fading from deep black and purples to yellow and green. It was eleven years ago now, and yet I remember clearly where I was sitting in the house when Dad told us why Mom was crying after she dropped the phone on the floor in the kitchen.

After weeks of slowly healing from the injuries she sustained in that car accident, my grandmother died of a blood clot that made its way into her lungs. December 21, 1987. To avoid dragging things out through the holidays because of the way things landed in the calendar that year, my family opted to have the funeral before Christmas rather than after. I remember spending time on December 22 and 23 at the funeral home, but oddly enough remember none of the actual service. Instead, I remember attending Christmas Eve service at my grandparents’ church and then going back to their house to open gifts. My grandmother was a shopper who loved to buy gifts for her grand children and, prior to her accident, had done much of her holiday shopping already. With some help from my mother and aunt, she managed to not only finish her gift buying that year, but also get them wrapped and waiting for us under her Christmas tree. She loved Christmas, the decorations, the carols, the gift buying and wrapping, and that magical spark that can only be found in the eyes of a child as they open their gifts on Christmas each year. She could be seen watching from across the room as each neatly wrapped bag or box was torn into and the eventual smile crept across the face of which ever child was opening their gift to find exactly what they had asked for, and often things they didn’t even know they had. That year, the Christmas of 1987, I remember opening my gifts filled with mixed emotions. I was not sure if I should be so happy to have them and on the verge of tears as I looked around the room for the smile on my grandmother’s face as she watched me open her presents. My tears came when I eventually realized that she was not there to see how happy I was to open her Christmas treasures. On the faces that were there that night, I saw smiles masking the tears and I wondered if Christmas would ever be the same.

Partly because I was 10 at the time, and partly because of the way children’s minds manage to forgive and forget things so easily, it only took another year or two before I managed to find my Christmas spirit once again. For Mom, it was not so easy and to this day, she still has a bit of trouble getting into the holiday spirit every year. I don’t recall another year spent wishing Christmas would just somehow not come since 1987, until this year. And, this year it is not me who has lost someone they love. I am just playing a supporting role in this series of events, yet it pains me to see someone I love have to deal with a Christmas spent opening gifts from someone who will not be there to thank with a hug the way we normally do.

We found out on Thanksgiving that Jen's maternal grandmother had advanced stage cancer. She was in the hospital for about a week, and in good spirits when she left for home hoping to enjoy whatever time she may have left. She was looking forward to spending time with her children, grandchildren, and great grandchildren for one more Christmas and possibly attending the wedding of one of her eldest grandchildren in the spring of 2009. Toward the end of last week, we got the news that she had taken a turn for the worse and upon visiting her this weekend, it was clear that she likely would not see the end of 2008. Jen and I spent time there this weekend with various members of the family on what can only be described as a death watch. Her house was filled with an eerie sense of calm mixed with laughter and tears as some managed to make peace with the inevitable loss of their mother/grandmother/great grandmother. Thankfully, Jen was among those who found her way to the realization that sooner was far better than later and, though no one can every truly be ready for the loss of a loved one, she was as close to that point as one can get when the call came last night.

December 21, 2008 at approximately 6:30 pm Virginia M Smith died of cancer in her home surrounded by her family. It may not have been the way she wanted to leave this world, but her journey to the inevitable was relatively quick and peaceful. In the end, we all know it was for the best and most are thankful that the end came so quickly. As for this Christmas, plans will not be changed. The family will be gathering at her house on Christmas Day as planned, life moves onward, it is what she would have wanted.

Emotions back within my comfort zone, and posting in public again

Just to lay your fears to rest, and stop the questioning e-mails I have gotten over the last week. I am here, I am breathing, and I am still writing. I have been busy with life and school, and I have been writing things that do not yet need to be in the public domain. Nevertheless, I have been writing!

The emotions are settling again, back down to levels that are far closer to my comfort zone. Much of what I have written over the last few weeks has been angry and filled with raw emotions. Some of it is in response to the past election and the passage of PropH8 in California, some about subjects that are not yet ready to be shared with the world. Writing is my refuge, it always has been, and lately it seems to be the only form of therapy I have left. The weather has turned cold and the landscape has become frozen again which prompted the parking of the motorcycle for the winter. There are no more warm summer days to spend riding wherever those two wheels could take me leaving all my worries and anger behind in a cloud of dust. I do not live close enough to the shores of Lake Superior where I can spend countless hours along its rugged cliffs allowing my emotions to blow away in the cool breeze that never seems to slow. The snow has not piled high enough yet to chase my nephew down the ski slopes and remember what it was like to be carefree in the wintry sunshine of Northern Michigan. This has left me my last vise of writing to keep the mind goblins from taking over my life. It has produced some ranting, angry, and somewhat depressing products but has also allowed me to begin work on another idea I’ve had for a book. It involves a piece I wrote a while back titled The Dream (which can be found in the new Downloads link at the top of this page) and might be more main stream than the first project Unconditional which was primarily written as a 300+ page letter to Jack.

In case you haven’t noticed, I have also been busily working on the update to this blog, hence the new layout and colors. There are still many tweaks to make, and things to adjust for aesthetic reasons, but it is live after weeks of coding and adjusting existing code. There is a post on the main page with a list of all the new features and known issues. If you have suggestions, comments, or bugs please post a comment to that post so that I can resolve them quickly.

11/15/08

A Straight Man's Point of View on Banning Gay Marriage

From the ashes of defeat ...

With the crushing blow in California last week I, much like every gay person I know, was left wondering if we would ever gain legal recognition and equality for OUR relationships, under any name on a national level. I disagree with those in the movement who believe that anything other than something called a marriage is not equal and would be happy to have a nationally recognized Civil Union provided it comes with all those legal benefits gifted to our married straight friends. I was so wrapped up in our defeat for the last week, licking my wounds tucked into the closet with the door half open, that I honestly forgot today was "The Day" in another state. And, it has happened!

Today is "The Day" for gay residents of Connecticut. Today the ruling of their State Supreme Court kicks in, a judge has cleared the way, and they have begun to give out marriage license applications to gay residents, and non residents since they are one step ahead of Massachusetts on that front. It is official, gay Americans can begin the journey to CT for a marriage from any state in the union, and then run home to the states they reside in and have nothing but a nice piece of paper to look at. Unfortunately, this is also the day that CT will appear on the radar screen of those so intent on killing the gay marriage movement in our country. Today is the day that their financial machine will go to work to get a ballot measure before the voters of that state and undo all the fairness their Supreme Court has extended. Sadly, the pessimistic side of me seems to reign these days and I know that the days of legal gay marriage in the states of MA and CT will be numbered in this post CA Prop H8 world, and sadly I don't know that there is much we can do to stop this train of bigotry.
Full Story Here

Tuesday 11/4/2008, the most important day in American History that has happened in my lifetime.

I missed the Boston Tea Party, the Revolutionary War, the Civil War, the end of legalized slavery, and the beginnings and endings of World War I and II. I was not even a glimmer in my parent’s eyes when President Kennedy was assonated in 1963, Martian Luther King was killed in 1968, or Neil Armstrong walked on the moon in 1969. I missed the bulk of the Civil Rights movement that began in the late 1950’s as a whisper of hope in the black community and became a wildfire of demonstrations and riots throughout the 1960’s and 70's and, in some places around this country still smolders today.

All of those important dates in our nations history were long before I was born or old enough to realize they were important at all. However, I was here and well aware of the importance of what took place on Tuesday November 4, 2008. It is the beginning and the end all at once. We ushered in a new era, one where every child of color has a positive role model that looks like the face in the mirror, one who came from a rocky start, and found himself on top after years of hard work and determination. Seeing the country pull together and vote in our first non-white-male president made me proud to be an American for a moment. We voted out racism, set our minor differences aside, and elected a candidate based on his credentials and campaign promises. Nobody can take that away from us, it was certainly one of our finest moments as a country. However, something else happened on that day in our history, something that went largely unnoticed by most citizens of this great nation, we voted against racism as a nation while at the same time voting for discrimination against another minority in four of our states.

In Arkansas, we voted to put the desires of adults who call themselves “good Christians” above the needs of children. We passed a new law outlawing adoptions and foster parenting of children for any person who is not living with their legal spouse. This move is widely seen as an anti-gay adoption law gone horribly wrong. Their intent was to keep children out of the homes of LGBT Americans but the outcry against the movement forced them to change the wording of the new law before it ever got onto the ballot. What they wound up with was a law that clearly states no child can be fostered or adopted by anyone, regardless of sexual orientation, race, religion, etc, who is not living with their legal spouse; and the voters in that state passed it anyway.

In California, Arizona, and Florida we voted to amend the State constitutions to prohibit any legal union for same-sex couples. This is not surprising as there are now some 30 states with these types of amendments in their constitutions, but it is heartbreaking each time another is added to that tally.

As a gay American I learned something from this election that I should have already known, we truly are 2nd class in the eyes of the majority. We stood up against racism, saw past the color of his skin, and elected Barack Obama. We finally put that last nail in the coffin of acceptable racism and slammed the door shut on our discriminatory past. For this, we all deserve a much-earned pat on the back. Unfortunately, the racism that once was seen as acceptable has been replaced by outright bigotry against LGBT Americans, and once again, we have proven that for every stride forward, something else takes two strides backward. This year it was the civil rights movement from the 1950’s and 60 that won the day, and it was the civil rights movement of LGBT Americans who lost.

I think it is safe to say that I am more deeply injured by the defeats this election year than I ever thought I could be. We have been here before, passing amendments to constitutions banning equality for LGBT relationships, and it has hurt in the past as well. However, this year is different. No longer do I feel like just another minority, standing shoulder to shoulder with the equally oppressed and discriminated against black community, now I feel suddenly left behind. Electing Barack Obama to be our 44th president has effectively ended the long held belief that persons of color are not equal in this country but all those years spent oppressing African-Americans has not simply come to an end, that energy must go somewhere. Based on the growing momentum behind the religious right and their efforts to limit the equality of LGBT Americans, it appears it has been refocused on us full force. And the majority in this counrty are either behind the momentum, or standing on the sidelines afraid to stand up against it.

400,440 votes needed

As of this writing (9:45 EST Wednesday 11/5/08) The votes were still being counted and will certainly be recounted at least once due to the close numbers on California’s Prop8 ballot measure. Currently it looks bleak for those of us who were hoping for a defeat with 5,125,752 votes FOR and 4,725,313 AGAINST the measure. There are still 5% of precincts who have not reported in yet, and those all important absentee ballots to count so while unlikely for a defeat, it is still mathematically possible at this point.

So what happens to the movement if Prop8 passes? Will it signal an end to Gay Marriage in America with 28 states now banning it outright in their State Constitutions?


I spent most of my morning scouring the net for updates on how the vote counting on Prop8 was going, if there was any hope left for a defeat of this hateful measure. I ran the gamut of emotions from excitement to disappointment and finally defeat as the outlook seems to be almost in the bag for passing this thing. I have not given up all hope for a miracle defeat found in those yet uncounted absentee ballots and unreported precincts, but that flame is not as bright as it once was. I have gradually come to terms with the reality that this battle may have been lost and California, long thought of as our Leftist Left State has gone conservative on this one divisive issue. It saddens me to see this happen, particularly in a state I believed was open minded enough to see through the scare tactics used by those who support ending same-sex marriage, and for an hour or two this morning I had lost hope in one day marring my partner of 12.5 years.

In my frenzy to get information about how Prop8 was doing out west I glassed over every news story I ran into about the Presidential election that also took place yesterday. I already knew Obama had won, I watched CNN call it at almost exactly 11:02pm EST while trying to find someplace to give me information about state ballot measures also up for decision. I was and am an Obama supporter and seeing him come out the victor in his race made me a little less fearful of the next four years once we end the ERROR on 1/20/09. However, it was only moments ago that I realized what it really means.

It was not all that long ago that persons of color, and by that I mean ALL whose skin is not lily white regardless of ethnic origin or racial mixtures, were fighting for their equality in this country. They were denied entrance to businesses, admission to school, employment, and housing in certain parts of this country. In time, they would change the laws and views of the rest of the country and gradually gain acceptance in most parts of the country. While their civil rights have come a long way, there are still cases of discrimination and violence against this sect of the population daily all across the country, yet we just collectively elected a mixed race, non-Caucasian, young male to be our nations leader. How is this possible? One word answers that question, HOPE. We, those who supported and voted for Obama are hoping for change, hoping for a better tomorrow, hoping for someone to stop the bleeding of jobs and money from a badly beaten economy. We were inspired by his speeches, his willingness to address the people on their level, to walk through the rough streets of our inner cities and ask it’s residents for one simple thing, to register to vote. He did not ask them to vote for him, he asked them to VOTE, to let their voice be heard on Election Day, and to stand up for something they believed in. In doing so, he showed compassion for them, their situations, and their lives, something that resonated with millions of voters nation wide and brought about his eventual victory.

It is this hope I am clinging to today, tomorrow, and every day after until OUR time comes. If a country can elect a man like Barack Obama, without seeming to care about his race or ethnicity, but instead voting for his ideals and his message of hope, then not all hope is lost in our fight for equality. One day change will come. One day DOMA (Defense of Marriage Act) will fall, one day I will be able to legally marry my spouse in any state of my choosing and claim the rights I am entitled to. One Day!

And so it begins

Today is guaranteed to be an historic election day with the possible outcomes involving either a female Vice President or a non-Caucasian male President taking the oath of office on Jan 20, 2009. The polls are open, the lines have long since formed, and here in Michigan we have, for the first time in our state’s history, 98% of the eligible voting population registered to vote. There is no guarantee that all those registered will actually cast a ballot in this election, but on at least one front the Obama campaign has won. They worked long and hard on their campaign to get people registered to vote in this election. They targeted those who often feel the candidates are so out of touch with their lives that they don’t bother to register. They targeted those of poor, minority, and uneducated neighborhoods in portions of this state that most of us pretend do not exist. They canvassed every college campus they could find and registered voters right up to the last minutes of the deadline all across this state and the rest of the country. In that respect, Mr. Obama has already won. Now we wait to see if all those that his campaign volunteers managed to register will cast their votes in his favor.

Today is guaranteed to be an historic election day with the possible outcomes involving either a female Vice President or a non-Caucasian male President taking the oath of office on Jan 20, 2009. The polls are open, the lines have long since formed, and here in Michigan we have, for the first time in our state’s history, 98% of the eligible voting population registered to vote. There is no guarantee that all those registered will actually cast a ballot in this election, but on at least one front the Obama campaign has won. They worked long and hard on their campaign to get people registered to vote in this election. They targeted those who often feel the candidates are so out of touch with their lives that they don’t bother to register. They targeted those of poor, minority, and uneducated neighborhoods in portions of this state that most of us pretend do not exist. They canvassed every college campus they could find and registered voters right up to the last minutes of the deadline all across this state and the rest of the country. In that respect, Mr. Obama has already won. Now we wait to see if all those that his campaign volunteers managed to register will cast their votes in his favor.

While the choice of our next president hangs in the balance, and will certainly take center stage of the news coverage today and tomorrow, there is another election I am following closely. One which I care about just as much, if not more than the fight for out nation’s top office. On the West coast of this great country there is a battle raging that will directly affect my life, and my rights in the very near future. Not long ago this very same battle was fought, and sadly lost here in Michigan but this time the stakes are higher. California has already legalized same-sex marriage in their state and over the last few months, have married thousands of same-sex couples. Now, with millions of dollars generated by the Religions Right, they are going to the polls today to cast their vote not only for our next president, but also to defeat or approve Proposition 8, which would amend their State Constitution to end same-sex marriage in California forever.

While it might be obvious to some why I care about the outcome of this election in California, the obvious reason is only the tip of the iceberg. The backers of Prop 8 have all stated that this is their “last stand against Gay Marriage.” That should they lose their fight to amend the California State Constitution “it will not be long before gay marriage is in every state across the nation.” While they see this as a horrific chain of events, I see it as the beginning of an end to legal discrimination against same-sex couples across the country.

Beginning on the east coast, Massachusetts legalized same-sex marriage in their state and got the ball rolling. Not long after their decision, the 2004 elections saw 11 states with ballot measures pass and write discrimination into their state constitutions, Michigan was sadly one of those states that year. Even sadder, it was nothing more than a political chess move for either republican party to get the conservative voters to the polls and re-elect President Bush to a final term. It worked like a charm and every one of those 11 states who passed their anti-marriage amendments had close results in the presidential race as well with the majority of those going to Bush. Now, just four short years later, we have arrived at the pinnacle battle of this fight for equality, California.
If the voters of California, known for their liberal views on equality and tolerance, can manage to reject Prop 8 it will send a clear message to the rest of the country that writing discrimination into State Constitutions shall not be tolerated. It will re-energize the legal fight to overturn the Defense of Marriage Act (DOMA), which flies in the face of our nations Constitution guaranteeing full Faith and Credit to all citizens. It will turn the tide of change in our favor and, eventually, DOMA will fall. And THAT, ladies and gentleman, the fall of DOMA is what we have been fighting for since the day it was signed into law by President Clinton shortly before leaving office in his last term. Without DOMA, all of the states who have passed constitutional amendments prohibiting the recognition of same-sex marriage certificates will be forced to remove them. The Full Faith and Credit amendment of the US Constitution guarantees that a contract, which legal marriage is, deemed valid and binding in one state of the union, must also be recognized as legal and binding in every state of the union. Quite simply, a win in California today means that the tsunami of change currently building up on the West Coast will swell and begin to wash away the discrimination across the country as legal battle after legal battle chips away at DOMA. Soon enough the US Supreme court will have no choice but to hear the case they have been ignoring since DOMA was signed. Soon enough the voice of the people will be heard, and it is my hope that it starts today with the voice of California, a state who has long since been our loudest champion of equality and fairness and their resounding defeat of Prop 8.

Can I get a witness?

And we now have, or will soon have THREE states in this union who allow equality in marriage laws for same-sex and opposite-sex couples. Welcome to the fold Connecticut! Now if only we didn't have so many states, including the one sad little Rust Belt state I reside in, who amended their constitutions to prohibit such equality. It will take a repeal of DOMA to marry in my state, but post November election season hopefully that will be the next legal task high on the heels of a successful defeat of Prop 8.

Full Story Here

It's that important

And the internet juggernaut weighs in. Google Opposes Prop 8

Another meeting for the books

So ... meeting two came and went with nothing spectacular happening, except solidifying my belonging to the group as a whole and building on the fragile new friendships Jen and I have made.

The group is young, still getting it's member base up and running, and expanding by leaps and bounds each week it seems. With just 6 of us there at the table it was the largest meeting ever held, last week was the 2nd largest with only 5 of us there. I can't promise to show for every meeting, not certain that driving into the concrete maze, searching for a parking spot for 10 minutes, and then walking three blocks to get to Comos is worth it every two weeks to be honest, but I can certainly make it once a month!

Things are a little busy for all of us right now, end of Summer, Ren Faire, back to school, job responsibilities, and the daily pressures of life all around ... yet we find time to hang with friends once a week, or every two weeks as the case may be. It's a drive for Jen and, about an hour to get down there on a Wednesday night, but it was fun to just hang out with the girls. We talked about all kinds of things and it will be good for me to open up a little more. Wadog and Ronda asked a few questions when it was just the four of us, I answered honestly but the subjects were broad and light. After the rest of the gang took off for the night and it was just Jen and I with Wadog, she once again asked some general questions just trying to get to know us a little better. Thankfully Jen was there and fed answers when I was still too quiet.

I'm a bit out of practice I suppose, this whole get-to-know-you game is not something I have had to do outside of work in over a decade. I'm learning, I'm more self confident, and eventually I'll open up more freely, even when Jen isn't there to come to my rescue. So many years of hiding and changing pronouns, ducking questions, and withholding information takes a little time to reprogram. This is the first time I have ever hung out with a bunch of dykes and wanted to get to know them. Jen and I are unique, just like each and every member of the group is, and we have our own story that should be shared with those who care to hear it, but I'm not use to people wanting to know. In time I'll share, open up about anything that is asked of me, share things with anyone who asks ... for now, I'm doing my best.

It's Official!

Sometime earlier in the summer Jen sent me an e-mail with a link to a local women’s motorcycle club who was just getting their boots under them and in search of members. Like any good partner, I dutifully checked it out and, upon the page loading fully, began to laugh out loud hysterically. The link was for the Detroit chapter of Dykes on Bikes! It had been somewhat of a running joke between us since I took my first motorcycle safety class in 2007, that someday I would ride home sporting a leather jacket and Dykes on Bikes patch. I was only half-serious in all of those conversations, mostly because I assumed that there were no such chapters here in my home state at all, let alone one in my general geographic portion of this vast land mass.

As I surfed through their burgeoning website seeking information, I stumbled upon a “Contact Us” link and figured what the heck, let’s check it out. I typed up a quick e-mail expressing interest in joining the group and seeking information as to what I needed to do to make that happen as well as when meetings were and what the requirements for membership were exactly. I was shocked to get an almost instant response from their president telling me that simply by sending that e-mail I was considered a member and only needed to make an appearance at a meeting to meet the rest of the crew. I think Jen was even more surprised when I returned from work that evening with the news that I had “joined” and told her we just needed to show up for a meeting.

Meetings are held during the week about an hour from our house and consequentially we never managed to find the time to attend, until last night. When I went to work yesterday, I had no intention of doing anything other than putting in my standard 9-hour day, riding the bike home, and spending some time with Jen after dinner. The Dykes on Bikes meeting was to be held in its usual spot, at its usual time, and not exactly convenient to attend. Sometime around 3 o’clock I got an e-mail telling me that the venue for the meeting had been changed, to within 15 minutes from my house. It didn’t take long for me to realize that this was my chance to grab Jen, head out to our first meeting, and meet the crew. If we hated it we never had to go back and weren’t out anything but a few dollars in the gas tank and an hour or two of our Wednesday night. I managed to get in touch with her, by skirting around the firewall block on instant messaging here at work (don’t tell my boss that I know where the hole is), and she agreed that it was a good opportunity to test the waters. It was a plan!

I have to admit that I was nervous. I was walking into an unknown environment filled with unknown people, and quite possibly into an absolute drama fest in EVERY sense of that word. I’m a Dyke, a Butch Dyke to be exact, and I am well aware of what drama can ensue when you mix too many flavors of Dykes together in one spot for too long. Jen admitted she too was nervous, the whole meting new people thing isn’t usually our style to begin with but we were game anyway. As we pulled into the long driveway and passed clusters of trucks, trailers, and golf carts of crew who were at the fair grounds to shoot a movie, yes real Hollywood type movie with leading roles filled by names of people you would recognize, I was just hoping that I didn’t do something stupid like dump my bike in front of the “biker gang” and be laughed out of the meeting. It was a dirt road and I was carrying a passenger, so it was entirely possible to make a stupid mistake and go toppling over, but alas I managed to make it all the way to the main gate, hit the security checkpoint, and was waived through when I told the kid I was looking for the Dykes on Bikes group. They were easy enough to spot, all three of them standing next to a silver and purple Harley.

I pulled up slowly, flipped up the facemask, cut the engine, and introduced myself. Jen climbed off the bike and did the same as I carefully parked my bike next to that silver Harley and climbed off. They were friendly, entertaining, and genuinely happy to have us join them. I was impressed. I’m not certain what I was expecting to be honest but as we stood there talking, asking and answering questions while we waited for the rest of the group to arrive, my fears dissipated and within minutes I felt like both Jen and I belonged in the group for reasons other than my motorcycle.

The remainder of our evening was spent playing the hurry up and wait game that is so common in the movie business, or so others have told me, having a brief conversation with a producer, then a short meeting with the executive producer, and finally just sitting around a large table talking. I’m not certain anything will come of the movie thing, right now they are trying to work us into the script somehow as ourselves, the Detroit chapter of Dykes on Bikes. They have also offered roles as extras if any of us are willing to dress in period clothing at the Fair for background shots, but the chance to make an appearance in a major motion picture had nothing to do with why Jen and I went to that meeting in the first place. Do I think it would be cool to show up on the silver screen riding in a pack of lesbians down the road somewhere? Absolutely! Would I jump at the chance to make that happen? You betcha! However, the feeling I left that meeting with was the reason we went. It is something I have been searching for, something I didn’t know I was missing out on. When the gang headed to the hotel bar to get a drink, and I realized how late it had gotten, Jen and I decided to make our exit. We had not yet eaten dinner and since she gets up for work at 5am, we needed to get some food and head home to bed as quickly as possible. The group seemed genuinely bummed that we were heading out for the night, yet happy that we had finally made an appearance in a meeting. We parted ways with smiles and hugs, we were officially part of the family and I look forward to making time to attend more meetings in the future.

Mom, it’s official, your daughter is a self-proclaimed Dyke, she owns a motorcycle, and she is now an active member of the Dykes on Bikes!

To the crew from last night, Heather, Ronda, Marianne, Meg, and Cristi (I hope I spelled them right girls) THANK YOU! I have never in my life, been in a group of people who were so friendly, easy to talk to, fun, energetic, and understanding of my view of the world from the moment they laid eyes on me. It was truly an eye opening experience to hang out with you girls and I look forward to our next encounter. RIDE ON!