So about that blog post I promised to write …

Dear loyal readers,

I have not forgotten about you, or your interest in this blog, my life, and my writing. However, I have been far too busy for far too long to keep up with this thing. I have been writing all this time, but most of it has either been for my eyes only, not even shared with my wife if you can believe that, or has been in the form of a FaceBook (FB) status update or comment. Many of you are on FB and my FB friends list so you have not been kept too far out of the loop, though certainly not exactly included in all the goings on of my life since last fall. Let this post serve as the catch up for all those important things I have not yet shared, and I promise to update this thing a little more regularly going forward. Notice I said a little more regularly.

First off for those of you who do not yet know, my mother-in-law was diagnosed with stage IV ductal breast cancer last fall, round about the time I stopped posting my writing. See the coincidence here? Thee were other factors in my silence, like the completely unhealthy group I was in the process of terminating my membership with, a few work related issues, and the occasional life event I still choose to remain silent on. In any case, she is doing well, responding well to treatments, and having very few side effects of her treatments outside of the standard loss of hair. And for those who have not been through this, or watched someone go through this, let me just state that when I say loss of hair, it includes hair in places where you didn’t know hair grew.

Dealing with the diagnosis, the tests, the staging process, and the new schedule that would be applied to my life as my wife stepped up to be by her mother’s side as much as possible through this whole process has taken some major and minor adjustments. One of the first things to get pushed aside was my writing. It was in part because I didn’t feel much like finishing a story about a boy who leaves home right after high school with the intent to never see his father again, spends 20 years building a life for himself with no contact between the two of them, and then stumbles upon a relationship with him again through a twist of fate only to learn that his father is terminally ill. This story was conceived and the first 20 chapters or so written long before last fall’s news hit and it is in no way related to my mother-in-law’s diagnosis. Yet writing it just didn’t sit well with me any longer and I lost interest in writing all together as the weeks dragged on.

I did not stop writing all together though, but digging through the archives of the blog you’ll certainly notice a HUGE gap in entries beginning toward the end of last summer and lasting for what has become nearly a year. I can’t say that many things were written in that time period, but I can say that what was written was almost always merely me venting frustrations about one thing or another and eventually found its way into the recycle bin. On occasion I came up with a piece of something I hung onto, something that I managed to make general enough to post. But, as the archives make blatantly obvious, those were very few and quite far in between.

So, what else have I been up to over the last 9 months … sadly the answer is not really all that much. I have completed more classes and currently have just four left to obtain my latest degree, a Bachelor of Web Development. So long as they don’t cancel any classes on me I will be done with it next March! Then what I’m not certain, but there has been some consideration about going for a Masters Degree … time will have to tell that tale because for now I am focusing on SUMMER VACATION and those four remaining classes next year.

Life has really been all about family, friends, school, and work … in that order for probably the first time in decades. Having a potentially terminal diagnosis of someone you know, no matter how well you know them, is certainly a wake up call to get your life and priorities in line. It has been the catalyst for me purging all the drama and “fluff” from my life, hence exiting the DOB fiasco and no longer surrounding myself with their drama, negativity, and poor choices. I can’t even say the departure was amicable, I’m not certain they are capable of that from a local or national standpoint, but it was not a total waste of time. That group, the drama all last summer, and the eventually process of exiting their gang (and I mean that in every sense of the word) was something I needed to do. It served as a reminder of why I have not been active in the LGBT only culture since my early college days at Oakland, and why I will refrain from getting involved again in the future. It was a definite wake up call that there are two distinct versions of LGBT Equality and the activism that is required to achieve it, I am not interested in their tunnel vision of the world or what true equality is! I am also thankful that organizations like Triangle foundation, Michigan Equality, and Affermations exist and understand both how the world works and what needs to be done to achieve true equality for all, including LGBT people.

So there is the recap of my last 9 months. Reality check, Cancer, Exiting the Drama Queens (DOBD), eliminating as much drama from my life as possible, family, friends, work, school, and writing. Now that the purging of drama process is complete, or nearly, and school is out for the next 4 months, I’ll try to write more!

I'm never up this early with nothing to do ...

It's 5:30am ... I'm wide awake thanks to another morning of waking up choking on crap I can't cough out ... Since I'm never awake this early unless I have to be I'm not sure what to do with the unplanned free time, so here I sit writing again. To borrow a phrase from Jack ... It's what I do.

Homework for my almost all theory class is beginning to get a little heavy, but they are just about all essay questions and a piece of cake. I much prefer to write in English than C++ so I think I'll manage just fine. Now that I'm not spending late hours writing and editing (guess I could start using the title now that I have one) "Unconditional..." I guess I could start working on the two web design projects I have lined up. I talked to Mikey last night and he's working on getting me some of the pictures I need to start his HenryJCars re-design and I'm guessing Dennis would like to see a little progress on his The Next Dive site someday. Too bad they're both volunteer work ... but will help build the portfolio to show off my skills and eventually turn into paying customers.

Got in contact with the youth services director with the Triangle Foundation ... maybe he can help me find something to do with my time and 'make a difference' in the world. Been thinking about it for a while, wondered if I was stable enough to do it, after last weekend I definitely got my answer. I also realized that it was time to make it happen, Jen and I will find the time even with work and school obligations. My 'Brian Kinney' philosophy on life of "No Apologies, No Regrets" seems to have a flaw or two. I apologized to Sneller, I needed to for the way things went with us my freshman year of college, and I occasionally regret not sticking with psychology. Working with kids is really what I want to do and though computers was the right thing to do 12 years ago for money and independence reasons, it doesn't allow me to work with kids. Hopefully the web design career change will afford me some much needed free time to volunteer at things like Camping.Out. If nothing else it will at least give Jen and I more time to spend with Tristan, our 'project child' and I can take comfort in knowing we make a difference in his life at least.