So what am I so afraid of

I got a reply to the letter ... he doesn't hate me (not sure I ever really thought he did) ... he gave me his phone number and told me it was the best way to get in touch with him ... yet I still can't bring myself to pick up the damn phone! I don't get it. I want to talk to him. I want to see him again. So why can't I manage to do something as simple as pick up the phone and call him?

What would I say to him other than hello? What am I so afraid of, he's the same guy I spent years talking to about things no one else in the world is aware of. I managed to tell him things on paper I never dreamed I would ever own up to and he still would like to see me again. All I need to do is call to see if he'll be home the weekend Jen and I will be in LC next ... Instead I sit here @ 12:25am typing this entry because I can't sleep again. Between homework, writing, and trying to figure out how to get over 'this' and just make the call I haven't gotten much sleep lately. It is at least keeping my mind occupied while Jen and I wait for an answer ... day 12 is now complete!

I manage to get to work every day on time but by the end of the week I'm so tired I can barely open my eyes most of the day. At least the homework situation will be ending soon ... FOUR MORE DAYS! Too bad the next four nights will be spent trying to cram in the last 4 CGI/PERL assignments and complete the final project. At least I get a programming breather after Wednesday. I got my book for the e-commerce class and don't see a lick of code in it. WHOO HOO! I can use a theory class for a change.

Off to work on a few missing 'pieces' for my 'writing project' and see if it will clear my head enough to get some sleep yet tonight.