I actually replied to one of Libby's LJ posts. Apparently she had a bad day meeting/coming out to new people at school. Been there, done that...burned the t-shirt!

"Sorry babe but coming out to new people SUCKS! That has a lot to do with why I don't bother. If someone asks I'll answer but I don't go out of my way to come out to everyone I meet ... Wish you had a better day, we can't both be having terrible days! I am so confused and worn out from our e-mails I can barely think straight, on top of that I get to go to a funeral tomorrow, another emotionally draining day! This has been the week from hell! No matter what I do I just can't seem to pinpoint or shake this feeling... what the hell is it? Why is it so familiar?"

I decided to post it here too because it sums up exactly how I feel today. Confused, sad, and this unshakable feeling in the pit of my stomach. I know this feeling well, but I don't know why. I was hoping to hear back from her today and continue the discussion I couldn't yesterday...but apparently she is busy today and her replies have been short to say the least. I guess it will have to wait until Monday. We will both be unavailable this weekend. Maybe that's good. Maybe what I need is some distance. Maybe... or am I just pulling back out of fear? I have every right to be afraid of getting too close; I have been hurt by her before. I know now it was a misunderstanding but it hurt nonetheless. Is it just fear or something else entirely? I don't know what to think anymore, it was easier when I thought she was a bitch who got what she wanted from me and then left when I started to become my own person. 8 years of feeling that way based on a HUGE misunderstanding has left me not knowing where to go or what to think. I don't believe that she was vindictive in any way, just not of stable mind. I was so caught up in getting out of small town USA that I don't remember much of our last 6 months together. I know we argued a lot from the strain of a long distance relationship. From the strain of a relationship that probably shouldn't have lasted more than a week or two. Co-dependant! Sums it up perfectly! We did have some good time though. I have tried to brush the dust off some of those memories, they are pretty covered and many have been thrown off the iceberg to make room for new ones. Unfortunately I think I may have purged too much and need a few of them back to figure out where we should go from here.

Was it Ron that made me feel this way? Or Mike? I remember that it was about another person, something not very pleasant, could it go all the way back to Sneller? THINK! THINK! THINK! Seems like it was more recent than Sneller, was it?

Rambling again and need to finish up some stuff so I can go home. Need sleep and time to digest what has happened in the last 4 days!