Wow! After a day of e-mailing Libby back and forth I am actually at a loss for words. It looks like our communication was so bad when we were dating that we broke up for no reason...I thought she broke up with me and she thought I broke it off with her. I've know it was all for the best since I began to fall in love with Jennifer but WOW! We were really not good together if our communication was THAT bad!

Where do we go from here? I honestly don't know! People can be friends even though they are different. Past lovers can be friends with out the past getting in the way. But can Libby and I pull it off? I don't know! My last e-mail to her for the day was the shortest I have written her EVER! I just didn't know what to say. I'm a writer for God sake, and express my true feelings best in the writing arena, and I couldn't think of what to say! Why? I'm not jealous of her "boyfriend", that's for sure, but I got this wierd feeling in my gut when I read her e-mail about the two of them. What was it? I have no romantic feelings toward her...nothing sexual at all...so what was that feeling in the pit of my stomach? Guilt at ending it without trying to make it work that summer? Pitty for her because she hasn't found her true love yet? Excitement at the prospect of reviving our friendship? None of them seem to be viable answers.

When did I feel this way last? I've had it befor, I remember it well, but why did I feel this way? I need to remember. Remember when and why. I can't write her back until I know. I don't love her, I don't care for her, I barely even know her anymore. But I would like to. Maybe that's it...nervous about getting to know her again. sounds viable...good possibility anyway. Too bad Stacey fell off the face of the earth, she could help me remember. Jen might know but she's busy...guess it's up to me to figure out.

Confused, rambling, throwing out ideas in the journal...probably time to quit and just THINK! Writing helps but not this time...off to think it over.