I don’t remember the first time I met Tom Brenner, other than it was sometime in the fall of 1995, but I distinctly remember that uneasy first impression I got when he walked in. Tom had a presence when he entered the room, a rough exterior coating that teddy bear underneath, enhanced by what was probably a long day at work. I remember being growled at when my wife introduced us the first time. It was not a mean growl, just that low muttered sound of “hello” as a courtesy to the unknown person he most likely viewed as a threat to someone he was protective of. I don’t recall ever being afraid of him, but I suspect that is exactly what he was going for on our first meeting.
I’m not certain how many of us actually knew the real Tom, but I believe we all got a glimpse of him once in a while over the years and a few of us were lucky enough to get a good look at what he was really all about. My opportunity for that was this past Memorial Day weekend when my wife and I were in Tennessee to visit the Brenner clan. For a few hours Friday night, I saw a side of Tom I hadn’t in years past. It was the Wise Old Man and Father Figure who spent the evening talking about various subjects and offering his advice on how to handle situations we were facing. He let his guard down, assisted by the wine I’m sure, but I got a chance to see the real Tom and how he viewed the world, even if only for a few short hours.
He was a man who put family above all else and whose definition of family was quite broad. Not everyone he knew or considered a friend was also family, but those he knew well, and their families, were certainly included. It was that night I learned that I too was his family! By this point I had known Tom for almost 15 years, and had always viewed him as just Justin, Jenny, Drew, and Cassie’s dad. He was almost always pleasant toward me, sans those few bad days we all seem to have, but I had never really sat down to get to know him any deeper than that. My loss!
I’ve always known that Tom was the kind of guy who would tell you like it was, like it or not. He would give you the shirt off his back in an instant and then find a way to buy you 5 more if he thought you needed the help, all without ever asking. He put his family first and considered all his close friends and their family’s part of his own. He lead with his head, always conscious of where he was going and what needed to be done when he got there, but his heart made the decisions. Tom was a good listener and a strong shoulder to lean on for anyone who needed it, and that is probably what most of us will miss about him.
In those few short hours last May, what I learned most about Tom in our conversation was that he was a simple man, with only one goal in life yet to complete. He had seen all of his children graduate from high school, something he was very proud of, and had instilled his work ethic and values into them as best he could. Now he was looking forward to his next goal, to make his way back to the place he loved to be most, back here to Michigan, the place he still called home. While I’m sure this was not the way he had it planned, Tom has reached that last goal, he’s coming home.
A man wise beyond his years, willing to share of himself and all that he had, Tom Brenner will certainly be missed by those who knew him best, those who called him family, and those who benefited from his generous ways. I enjoyed what little time we had together over the past few years and was looking forward to our next encounter, whenever that may have been. It is with a heavy heart that I allow the news to sink in and realize our next encounter will, God willing, be many years from now. I know he won’t be far, and his presence will certainly be felt many times over the coming years as he checks in on us, but he will be missed!
Thank you for allowing me to be part of your extended family, I listened, I learned, I grew, and you will be missed Tom!
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