His reappearance comes while I am once again reading through Unconditional, making a few corrections and modifications to improve on the writing in certain areas, not to mention ensuring that my memory of the story is correct and all the details match with the summary I have now provided my agent. It has been almost a year since I last read through it, and apparently long enough that I had forgotten just how much of myself and my relationship with Jack really ended up in that book. The story is still pure fiction, the chain of events never happened in any form, but some things, the friendship between Kerry and Shane and a select few events from the timeline, are completely based in reality.
I spent a long time wishing I could feel comfortable telling Jack what was really going on in my life back in the day. Wishing first that I could find the right words to explain what I was trying to wrap my head around, and why I was so seriously contemplating the end. When I managed to figure out what was wrong, I simply wished for someone to talk to who would understand and not walk away. Given the environment I was living in, my rural conservative town not my family who was rather liberal even back then, I was convinced that such a person could not exist, not even Jack. Just more proof oh how little I really knew about the man who was both my mentor and best friend through much of adolescence.
As I reread Shane’s coming out story and the bond she formed with Kerry, it’s almost like taking a walk down Memory Lane. It makes me remember why I looked up to Jack, how safe I felt tucked under his wing all those years, and a little nostalgic for the good times. Yes, even for a messed up adolescent who balanced precariously on the edge of sanity while she battled her inner demons with the help of her support system, there were still good times. Most of those times involve simply hanging out with Jack after school, something I miss very much.
Life gets busy for everybody and far too often we let moments slip through our fingertips without realizing it. I am certainly guilty of that from time to time but as I read through Unconditional again, all those simple moments that were the foundation of my relationship with Jack come flooding back. Sometimes so rapidly that I find myself drifting off into daydreams and recreating the story to fit reality rather than my fictional version of our history. But isn’t that the mark of a truly great story, it’s ability to allow the reader to place themselves in one of the main roles and step into an alternate reality?
I wonder which character Jack puts himself in place of.
Actually, I don’t. I know the answer to that already and it depends greatly on the mood he is in when he picks it up off the table. We’ve talked about it a lot since his first read of it in 2007 and he is aware that much of it was intentionally written to explain my side of our relationship, something I never was very good with until recently. It was also a way to ensure that long after Jack isn’t around to hang out with, I will have something tangible to remember him with, and a way to share his legacy with a new generation who may never get to meet him let alone get to know him very well.
I suppose it’s for this reason that reading Unconditional again has brought back The Catcher and reminded me that it’s time to make time to spend with Jack before he heads south this December. One visit a year is hardly enough, but better than nothing!
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