K ... maybe it's time. Libby stays friends with her ex's because they are special people to her ... apparently I am a special person in her life though we barely know each other anymore ... ... I'm glad for her. I'm glad someone thinks of me as special outside of my family and close friends. It's nice to know that others still care for you LONG after the last time you saw them. But maybe it's time to let it go.

She sent me an e-mail when she was coming to Michigan asking to see me ... I didn't reply. I was so caught off guard that I honestly didn't know how to reply. I haven't seen her in 8 years and I barely know who she has become. Part of me would have liked to see her, talk about things between us then and now, and maybe see if there really is anything still there between us. BUT that is also the part of me who always wants to have a back door, a way to escape when things get too close, a fall back plan. I don't know what may or may not have happened if I saw Libby last week and that is why I chose not to. I know she is between romantic partners and has been reminiscing with old partners. I don't pretend to know her motives, and they really don't matter. I kept asking myself how I would feel if it were Jen going to see one of her ex's, how would I feel then? The answer is I would do everything in my power to keep her from doing it. I trust her, I don't believe that anything would come of her meeting with one of her ex's ... but there is always that chance. It's easy to get sucked back into the old romance, to believe that it is real all over again, and to totally screw up your life based on feelings that are all in your head. I chose not to take that risk. I can't chance getting sucked into that world not even for a second. I love Jen too much to ever hurt her like that and I like my life just the way it is. We are happy together and once the job situation is straightened out will begin the family we have always dreamed about. I just don't know that there is room in my life for an Ex hanging around.

Is it possible for Libby and I to be friends without the EX stamped all over it? She was my first love and I admit there will always be feelings for the girl I fell in love with. I barely know who she is today and don't dare say that I still lover the person she has become ... but I do still care deeply for the person she once was. That may just have to be enough. Maybe it would be best to keep casual internet contact and nothing more. I guess I'll need some time to figure that one out on my own.