my replies.....a bit long winded but I think this is everything I needed to say

1)"since I am at work currently this will be short.....I'll finish it later,
probably after I calm down a bit.

I just need to get one thing straight...I didn't break off shit! You ended
the relationship 2 weeks after I went off to work at Camp O'Fairwinds and I
have the letter to prove it. For now that is all I will say, again I'll
follow-up up after work.

Shannon"

2)"Okay...I'm calm now and can finish this letter hopefully without causing too much pain. (that was never my intent by the way)

First of all yes you did end the relationship with me via a letter two weeks after I left for camp. You returned the ring! I would say that ended the relationship whether or not you intended it that way. I admit that it may not have been what you planned to do, but when someone returns my ring I take that to mean we are no longer dating.

The next thing we need to clear up is that Jennifer and I were friends all summer and into August after I came home. Yes she was at my parents house when you came to get your stuff, almost 2 months after you returned the ring, but we were not an item then. I was hurt, not only by the way our relationship had gone the last few months you were at school, but also by the way I thought you had ended it. Your letter said a lot of things like "this is not working, I gave up a lot to be with you this summer and you left me here alone", and contained the ring I gave you the summer before. I don't remember exactly if you came out and said we were through, I looked all over last night and couldn't find the box with your letters in it to verify. It may have been a huge misunderstanding on my part that you wanted to end the relationship, I will admit to that. I am sorry that you went all summer thinking we were still together and would work it out at the end of the summer when I got back. I knew then that there were serious issues with your depression, and I do feel a twinge of guilt that I only complicated the matter by not making an attempt to resolve our issues after I got home. That was the hardest day of my life! It's followed very closely by the day I opened your letter at camp and my ring fell on the floor. I couldn't even read it for 2 days...I just carried it around on my clipboard and put your ring on my watch band so I wouldn't loose it. I can honestly say I wouldn't have made it through the summer if I had not met Jennifer. She was there to listen and not judge, something none of the rest of my friends ever managed to do. Contrary to a lot of people's belief we did not begin dating until LONG after camp was over and we were not an item when I saw you last. Part of me was hoping that you would apologize the moment you saw me and tell me what a mistake it was, that didn't happen and it took me a long time to realize it was all for the best.

As for the letter you received that was suppose to be from Jennifer....it wasn't! I know that you got a letter, and I know a little bit about what it said, though if you still have it I would like to know EXACTLY what was said, but Jennifer did not write it. That letter came from Shannon Scarbrough, do you remember her? I was already dating Jennifer at the time, and had been for months, and Shannon thought she was doing me a favor by sending you the letter. I never got to read it before it was sent because I didn't know she sent it until it was too late. I know that she was trying to piss you off and cause as much hurt as she could, apparently it worked, and from what I know now she used lies to do it. Shannon and I stopped being friends not long after that letter was sent, and the letter was part of the reason. I admit that I probably should have contacted you when I found out, but I thought it best to just leave you alone. I didn't think you would believe me anyway. Our phone conversations and e-mails had been getting increasingly rude and hurtful, much like the last few recently, and I didn't want to cause anymore pain than I already had. I was only beginning to deal with all the crap that went on both while we were dating and that summer we broke up. I was immature, weak, hurt, and trying my best to move on without you. I was also getting very close to Jennifer and didn't want to open myself up to you again for fear of making the wrong choice about my relationship with her.

I don't really care about the past anymore, I just needed to get a few things straight between us. I sent you the initial e-mail just as kind of a hello. I had gotten your Christmas card the year before and never replied to you because I didn't know what to say. I have often wondered if that was the right decision. When I ran into you on the net I decided to take the opportunity to see what you wanted when you sent the card. We started out as good friends and I guess part of me was hoping we still could be. There are times when I miss your friendship. There were times when I wondered if I did the right thing. Fortunately for me I no longer wonder, I know it was for the best that we went our separate ways. I was not trying to rub anything in about how my life has gone, not by any means. I simply thought you would like to know what I was up to and where I was. Sorry if I was wrong.

My reaction to your live journal post was because you didn't have enough respect for me to even tell me you wanted to stop communicating. If you truly wanted to break off communication all you had to do was reply with a simple "this isn't working for me and I will no longer respond to any e-mail from you." That would have done it. Personally I think the whole "I care too much" is a cop out! I can also see that there is more to your words than you are actually saying. Why don't you try telling me what is really going on? What do you mean EXACTLY by "I care too much" and if I "truly care about my wife I will stop communicating with you"? No word games just a straight forward answer would be nice.

Jennifer has no problem with us being friends, her reservations about me getting in touch with you were fro my own sake. She saw how it ended, the aftermath of how it ended, and knows a lot of what happened near the end. Her concern was me getting hurt by you again. I have been through a lot in the last couple years with trust issues and am just beginning to emerge from them and let people get close again. She didn't want to see me let you get close, get hurt again, and have to start all over with the trust shit....almost too late. I let you get close, but not in, and I got burned with your whole I'm just not going to reply crap. I guess I thought you had more respect for me than that. I know you thought it was the best thing to do, I do believe that, but I don't understand why.

What do I want from you? ...Let's start with an honest answer about what you meant by you "care too much" and everything that went with it. I hade this crazy notion that maybe we had both grown up enough to have an adult friendship. No crap from the past, no baggage, just friends. We use to be able to do that, can we still? I never intended to cause pain, I admit the thought crossed my mind but there is just no reason for it. The past is the past and I have moved on. I would also like to get one questions answered.... Why did you break it off with me? Why was the ring returned? Why in a letter? I now know that you didn't realize you had, misunderstanding about the return of the ring I guess.

If we can get both our questions answered honestly could a friendship work with us? Or is there more going on that I am aware of?

Shannon"

Lets see what this brings