Stuck Again!

Rock to my right, hard place to my left, and solid brick walls both front and back! That’s about where I sit these days and no matter how hard I look and how much I try to wriggle free, it doesn’t seem to be making a difference at all.

I’ve spent more than 15 years trying to build a relationship with someone, countless hours dedicated to spending time with them, helping them out whenever I could, and hoping that one day the reward of at least their tolerance would arrive. I’ve known for a long time that it never would, enter the rock-and-hard-place scenario. I am still asked to do things, offer assistance, etc. for someone who is so two-faced with me even I get fooled occasionally by their “nice side”. I would love to say no, refuse assistance to them every time I am asked and use a phrase that goes a little something like, “why would I help out someone who so clearly despises me until they need my assistance? Go use someone else!” Unfortunately, doing that would simply make the situation worse for all concerned. See this person happens to be a family member on my wife’s side and while at times we would both love to tell them to “kiss off”, it is impossible.

As a person who has more than once vowed to never be used again, and who refuses to tolerate others bigotry, I find myself eating those words where family is concerned. There are issues with both sides of the family, to one degree or another, and in all cases it will not improve nor go away. With the holidays rolling around again this year, my wife and I are wrestling with the same two choices we face each year, where to spend our holiday and how much of the baggage that comes with it are we willing to deal with. I know all families have their issues, and none are ever perfect, but just once it would be nice to have the end of the year holidays happen without all the family drama and misc. other crap that comes along for the ride.

We have talked about changing family traditions, admitting that with the youngest of us now over the age of 30 it is time to act like grown-ups and make new traditions for the holidays. I suspect that will be the case next year, and it is time to get the parents on board with this decision. Where we spend our holiday next year will be uncertain for a while yet, but one thing is very concrete, I will remain jammed between this rock and hard place biting my tongue and smiling as I continue to offer assistance when asked, anything else will only make the situation worse.