Who is on your Facebook Friends list?

That question seems simple at first, obviously friends and family are on there, but take a second glance at your list, who is really there? In the case of my Facebook account, there are many people whom I know, directly or through other friends, who are on my friends list. I have even created categories of them so that I can easily sort my friends list based on how I know the person. I have one for co-workers, one for people I went to school with, one for those I went to camp with, one for members of the motorcycle club I belong to, and of course, one for those I don’t know at all but have added as friends in order to increase my Street Racing Crew. Did you notice something missing from that list? Go on, take a closer list. Did you see one for family? Nope, you didn’t miss it, it’s no there. Want to know why?

Facebook is a portal for my friends and family to keep tabs on my YouTube, Picasa Web, and Flickr uploads. It imports my blog entries, gives them access to my “tweets”, and lets them leave short messages and comments on my activities. When I get a friend request, I consider all the possibilities of approving that person as a friend. In most cases, I accept, toss tier name into the appropriate listing based on how I know them, and never think twice about it. Every once in a while I get one from someone that makes me think. I once got one from a former classmate who I never got along with and I would rather attend her funeral, smiling the whole time, than add her to my friends list on Facebook. It took a few days for me to decide to simply hit the ignore button and move on with life, but I did just that.

Last week I got another request from my brother-in-law. I don’t’ have an issue with him, nor do I wish to avoid him in any way, but I am well aware that we disagree on many subjects that I write about in comments, status updates, and blog entries. Adding him to my friends list would mean that I have to filter my writing, something I refuse to do. It took a few days to make the decision, carefully weighing all the options, but eventually I decided that for the good of my relationship with my family, which is already strained much of the time, ignoring his request was also a requirement. Now I wait to see if he notices I haven’t accepted yet.

I also happen to know that I have been the victim of the ignore button at least once. It was a request to someone I knew a lifetime ago, a staff member at The Timbers camp where I spent my summers in junior high and high school. We were never close, not like Stacey and Kellie kind of close anyway, but I knew her, have thought of her on occasion over the years, and sent the request. After a few weeks when it had not yet been confirmed I ventured out to her profile to see if she had been logged in since and noticed that the button to add her as a friend was once again available. Clearly I had been ignored.

It was no skin off my nose and I decided to simply click the button again, in the event that the ignore button had been clicked on accident, it happens, and follow it up with a note. I explained how I knew her, why I had requested she add me as a friend, and explained that I fully understood if she chose to ignore it again. I took that opportunity to say everything I thought I needed to, including a thank you for playing a part in making my summers at The Timbers memorable and enjoyable. I haven’t looked to see if she has ignored the request yet, as I anticipate she will, but it is no skin off my nose if that ends up being the case. We all have different reasons for requesting and accepting or ignoring friends. Maybe she looked at my list of friends and decided that there were people on that list she didn’t want to be in touch with again. Maybe she hit her head and doesn’t remember me at all. Maybe she simply reserves her friends list for those she truly views as a friend rather than just someone she knows and doesn’t dislike.

But what do you do when someone you know, and consider a friend, accepts your friend request and then mysteriously disappears? I too have had this happen and it was done by someone I never expected it from. Apparently we’re not as good of friends as I once thought. Maybe that’s why she conveniently makes her way back to Michigan once every few years yet I haven’t seen her in almost 16 years. She never owns up to that, always blames it on bad timing or something like that, but the recent development has me wondering. Oh and yes I am aware that she is reading this, she checks my blog every few days though like almost all of my readers, never posts a comment or sends me an e-mail. I sent her a message on Facebook asking if it was a mistake, she hasn’t replied yet, and I get the sneaking suspicion she won’t. I’m sure she has her reasons, and maybe they are good ones, but it stung a little just the same.