It wouldn't be life if everything went according to initial plans. For timing and financial reasons, mostly timing I might add, we have adjusted our upcoming vacation plans to eliminate the trip to Munising and PRNLS. The accommodations have been canceled and plans for the remaining two days of our vacation are underway, they will most certainly involve the 6th night of camping and quite possibly add a 7th to the mix.
When Jen brought up the possibility of nixing the Munising leg of the trip last night, I pondered it carefully and wondered why it was that I wanted to go so bad in the first place. We planned to do the boat trip with her Mom and Tristan, something both would enjoy, but also to spend an entire day hiking about on the rocks along the lakeshore from Chapel rock to the Mosquito Beach area. We knew that hike would give us the best views of the shoreline, allow Tristan the chance to climb out on some of the formations like Indian Head, Grand Portal Point, Chapel rock, and Battleship row and would also allow me the chance to spend a portion of the afternoon off in my own little world. I planned to find a quiet spot high atop either Indian Head or Grand Portal Point and spend a while staring out into the waves below pondering whatever came to mind. That was what I was seeking from the trip to Munising, the solitude; but why?
I’ve been looking forward to sitting high atop the cliffs staring out into the water below me for months without really understanding why I wanted to go there. What was it about PRNLS that was drawing me in? I’ve been there many times in my life, seen the rocks change over time, watched the sun set across Munising Bay, and wondered if it truly was where the world ended once or twice. I love that shoreline, it is my most favorite place to be in the state of Michigan, and I could probably spend an entire day sitting out on the rocks doing not much of anything. Was that why I wanted to go so bad, just because I love to watch the light dance across the waves and change the colors of the rocks with each passing hour? Why do I feel like I have to go there this summer? It's a question that I've asked myself more than once since we began planning the trip but chose not to answer honestly. Last night while I wondered if the short day and a half adventure was really worth the money it would be costing us, I knew I needed to find the honest answer to that question.
When I asked myself that questions again last night, immediately two things came to mind, Unconditional and the recent passing of my grandfather. For those that haven't read it yet, Unconditional takes place in a fictional town where the main character has a secret spot tucked back in the trees along the high shores of the lake the town is built around. The main character uses this spot to be alone with her thoughts and as a safe place to work out solutions to whatever might be bothering her. In many ways, that's what I was seeking; a place to be alone with my thoughts, to work through some residual feelings about things I have remembered, and to spend a little time in a peaceful place talking to my friend Kerry. I need to find a little space along the shore of a lake and allow myself to grieve the loss of my grandfather, something I have been both too busy and afraid to do. I need to clear my head of all these residual memories of Jack, finally close the door to my past life in Small Town America and fully embrace the new friendship we have. Finding someplace that resembles the secret spot I created for the character in Unconditional will help with all of these things, provided I can get some time alone there.
I know that traveling with an almost 8 year old and Jen's mom isn't the right mix to allow me the time I would like to spend just sitting along the rocks in Munising. Tristan will want to hike and climb, not sit quietly waiting for me to be ready to leave. I also know that part of this will involve tears, something Tristan won't understand and will ask repeatedly what is wrong. My answer of "nothing" or "just remembering someone" won't explain it well enough for him and he will be sad that I'm upset. We have that in common, getting sad because others are upset no matter what their reason is. And so, no trip to Munising for this vacation. Instead I will do my best to find a quite spot along the shore of the Menominee River, First Lake (from the State Park we will be camping at), or one of the other hundreds of lakes in that area of Michigan and Wisconsin. If all else fails, there will be plenty of time to sit and ponder life and all that is swarming inside my head high atop Silver Mountain after reaching its summit, or each night as I stare off into the flickering flames of the campfire. There, I will be remembering good times spent at Timbers, those staff members I was once close to and now feel so far apart from, and how great of an impact that place had on my life.
So, off into the woods we go for 6 nights of camping in Bewabic State Park with no trip to the northern shore at the end. By the end of the trip I should be sane enough to handle returning to work again, and hopefully will have found some time to let go of a few things along the shore of a lake somewhere.
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