I haven't heard from him in weeks, Memorial Day weekend to be exact. Even then, it was a short 5 minutes of his time while I dropped off a letter and told him to spend time with his family rather than trying to work me into his schedule for the weekend. He asked a few questions about how my grandfather's funeral went, and Mom's reaction to the knowledge that I own a motorcycle (at that point she still hadn't found out yet) but I didn't stop by to talk to him so we kept it short. My intent was to drop off a letter detailing how my previous weekend with the family had gone, it was information I knew he wanted but I didn't have time to tell him in person. I knew his family would be there for the weekend and that he needed to spend his time with them instead of me, there will be other times for us to talk when his family isn't around. Having just lost my grandfather the week before, I was reminded of how important the time spent with grand kids is for both parties and I didn't want to take away one second of that precious time from either him or his grand kids. No matter how important I may be to him, I'll never be more important than his own family; that's the way it should be.
When we parted ways, he told me he would find some time to read the letter and send me an e-mail. I have no doubt that he managed to find time to read the letter, he probably had it opened before I ever got out of the driveway, or maybe he tucked it into his back pocket and saved it for another time when he would be alone with his thoughts for a while like he's done so many times before. In any case he's read it, this I'm sure of, but he's not sent the e-mail I was promised.
It's been close to three weeks and I haven't heard from him once; not even a short "hey I haven't forgotten you, just busy" e-mail. I know he's probably just busy working, so much for being retired, or finding a few nice days here and there to spend on his sailboat. I certainly don't fault him either of those things. If it were up to me, I would retire tomorrow and abandoned the world in favor of living on a sailboat off the coast of somewhere where the wind never quits and the sun is always warm. Ahh a perfect life that could be; but I digress. I also know that he enjoys the time he spends working with the younger generations on his adventure trips and activities. And, I know how much insight he passes along on each of those adventures without the recipients even realizing just how much they have learned. They'll figure it out in time, and might even remember where they picked it up from, but even if they don't, they will always carry a small piece of him with them and with any luck, will also pass it on to another generation. People like him will never really die, their legacy lives on in each life they have touched and in turn is passed on to future generations by those of us who learned the most from him.
So my heart tells me he hasn't forgotten and I've said or done nothing to make him uncomfortable talking to me again, my head on the other hand... I can be paranoid at times and the longer I go between contact from him the more my brain begins to play the "what if" game. Time to find another project to keep my brain busy while I wait for his life to become a little less complicated. Maybe this one should be one of those web design projects I have put on hold, they'll be less emotionally involved and take longer to complete than another writing project. Or, I could invest more time into Hide and go Seek and see what else my brain remembers from decades ago.
Web design is the safer route I think, Hide and go Seek bums me out and might have something to do with why I'm so bummed that I haven't heard back from him in 3 weeks.
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